This comes after a night of very little sleep for both me and the little mister. So, its just one of those days. But, even on one of those days, I must take every thought captive to the Risen Christ.
I have so many dreams. I won’t share them with you on here. Some of you know some, some are tucked very tightly in my brain and heart that not even my husband knows about them, I feel like sometimes if i tell them then none of it will happen and I’ll just look silly. Or unfulfilled. Or discontent.
As the Mister came home for lunch today , I had had a morning of an irritable crying 4 month old. For those who know the little mister, that is not typical, but when it happens I often don’t know what to do. I said to him in my I’m a great Mommy voice – Today is the day I don’t want to be a mommy.
Now before all of you Moms hate me or quit reading my blog or give me all this advice, know it was a moment of weakness and I was venting and crying to my husband, who completely understands that I wouldn’t trade the cute little mister for anything, but it was just a moment.
I told him that I was just trying to post a blog and he was fussy – though he was warm, fed, and clean. I finally got the blog published much later – as he finally went down for an afternoon nap.
As I was driving around Central Florida listening to Z88 (love the station) they read a verse – that we need to be “tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ Jesus forgave us.” I prayed right then that God would give me grace to be tenderhearted toward our sweet little boy. Tenderhearted because even when I throw temper tantrums at God He is tenderhearted toward me.
And then the song by Francesca Battistelli came on – Its Your Life – and these lyrics stood out to me: “Every day the choices you make, say what you are and who your heart beats for, its an open door, its your life.”
I know that I would never trade all the dreams in the world for one second of time with my little mister. So I pray that God would change my heart in a million ways to either fulfill those dreams in new ways, the same ways, or completely give me other dreams.
What do you do with your dreams?
As my house this week is getting cluttered while I take my girls to their practices, dr. Appts. I felt guilty and tired and guilty for being tired and guilty for I had not accomplish my list. Then my daughter says “I am sorry mom you have to run me everywhere.” I quickly said, “honey, I love my job”. Then it hit me right between the eyes I do love my job, and my house and other things I have put on hold is not what I truly need or love. Interesting that both of us had one of those days of being reminded by God how truly blessed we are. Just think you will be in my shoes in 10-15yrs.
Love you Kim and your writing.
Thank you for this! 🙂 you wouldn’t trade your girls for anything – and I wouldn’t trade Eli for anything! 🙂
Kim, I love you! I so wish that now that seminary is over, we were closer in location and I could get to know you better. I love your transparency and your heart and desire to love the Lord and do what is pleasing. I stuff my dreams most of the time, and I know it is sin…its unbelief ~ because I know that if we give those dreams to God, he sometimes gives them back to us in ways that are way beyond our expectations, but most of the time, I stuff 🙂 I am praying that the rest of your time in Florida will be wonderful, that little guy will be peaceful and memories will be made! Love and prayers! Donna