by Kimberly | Jun 13, 2013 | mothering
So, last week I wrote a post that got the most hits ever on this blog about struggling with being a mom.
I wanted to do a follow-up to it, so I wouldn’t leave you hanging. The last of that blog says to fight for joy. How do you fight for joy when you are not liking where God has you in life?
Here are some of things I do – I hope you find them encouraging. And please, let me know how you fight for joy!
1. Pray. And I’m not going to be super spiritual and say that I do that first – but sometimes I do – even if it is a plea to be patient! Or to be gentle! God is faithful to hear our prayers! Pray!
2. Talk to your husband. Especially if you are a mom, you need to have an open communication with your spouse. Was is an easy conversation with my Sweet Mister when I read him that blog I wrote – no. It wasn’t easy for him to hear. But, it was so good for him to know. He is a great listener. We talked through some things – and believer, this pregnant mamma was crying – but it was good.
3. Have friends you can be real with and won’t just give you Bible verses and tell you to get over it. Friends and Christian community is vital to being a mom. Friends who will listen to you and share their struggles as well and pray with you and tell you that you aren’t losing your mind is something you need. Be transparent. And I hope you have a church body or friends that won’t judge you for being transparent. Some friends in churches around the country have said they don’t have that. A former pastor has a chart that talks about counseling church members. He says when they are going through a hard time – the church’s response is to comfort and console – not admonish. Now, there is a time for admonishment – but most of the time people get that timing wrong.
4. Get in the Word. If you are struggling – a great place to go is Psalms. The Psalms is a real, gentle, transparent book. And the Word will admonish – but the Word will also encourage and teach.
5. Choose Joy. I love the Nancy Leigh DeMoss titles Choosing Gratitude. It is an amazing find – especially if you are going through a difficult time. The afternoon I wrote the previous blog post was a good time for me to mentally count my blessings: Elijah, Eric, being a SAHM, having a cute little boy with watery-blue eyes and his daddy’s fine hair. Whatever you are struggling with – count your blessings in that area. It will change your mind about the situation!
6. Take some time off! I’m blessed to be around folks and my husband who will take Eli and give me a morning off. I love it. But, also, having that morning off makes me realize that I love my son and I love being around him. Call a friend, your mother, a pastor’s wife, somebody! A mental break is great for any mom!
7. Do something that takes your mind off of your struggles. For me, it is writing. If I want something mindless to do – then I want to play a game on the iPad. But, I usually like to sit and journal, write a blog, or write something!
8. Sometimes, even after all that, you may still struggle with the calling that has been placed on your life for being a mom. But, by the fact that you have children – you are a Mom. That is your calling! But, hope in your gospel that you’ve been given through the Cross of Christ.
What do you do that helps you when you are struggling!
by Kimberly | Jun 12, 2013 | food
I love trying new recipes, especially with in-season ingredients, and having them be winners. I started with a recipe off of BrownEyedBaker – you guys need to go check her out if you already don’t get her blogs!
I made a few changes, and hubs said he wouldn’t change a thing!
1/2 vidalia onion, chopped
1 EACH red and green pepper, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 chipotle in adobe sauce, chopped (just one pepper)
EVOO
1 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp EACH oregano and french thyme
2 cups chicken broth
2 cups milk
1 cup half and half
6 red potatoes, diced finely
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
2 cups diced chooked chicken
3 ears of corn (just kernels)
1 can cream corn
1/2 tsp adobe sauce (from chili)
Saute first ingredients and spices in evoo. Then add up through cheese and let simmer until potatoes are done (about 15 minutes). Then add the rest. Serve until warmed through.
Serve with tortilla chips and a squeeze of lime!
by Kimberly | Jun 11, 2013 | marriage
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” – Simone Weil
A friend tweeted this quote last week and I thought immediately of how it should (but often doesn’t) apply to my marriage. In a day filled with multi-tasking and technology and social media – this form of generosity tends to go right out the window.
Here are prime examples from our marriage:
1. Some date nights – I want to bring my phone along to take a picture of the food, make sure the sitter doesn’t have any questions, post what I’m doing, etc. Those might be noble reasons – but what often ends up occurring is I’ll check facebook, answer texts from all sorts of people, and not pay attention to my husband.
2. When my husband is home, often I am on the computer – meaning the iPad. Whether I am playing silly pointless games or writing blogs, I don’t spend enough time just with him.
Do either of these examples sound familiar to you? How can we change it and pay more attention to our marriages?
Solution #1: Leave cell phone in the car or at home. I now always make sure that the sitter has my husband’s cell as well. He doesn’t have a data plan on his phone so he only gets calls and texts. Much better in terms of “emergencies” without distractions. If we are going to a really cool place, then have your husband keep you accountable to taking picture – but posting them later, if that is something you really enjoy doing (like me).
Solution #2: Put down the iPad. Please step away from technology. I have plenty of nap times (for my infant) during the day to get all the blog-writing done that I need to. This week I have a self-imposed book deadline so it is a rarity – and my husband likes what I’m doing.
Solution #3: Set goals for your marriage. We recently talked about this and want to start doing it. So, once a year, probably ear the time we first met (beginning of February) we will seek to go away and have a marriage retreat to talk about the common goals that we have in our marriage for the coming year. The reason we chose this time instead of nearer to our anniversary is our family/life calendars. The fall is a busy time for us: anniversary, 2 birthdays, and my husband is super busy at work preparing for Christmas services. It would be too stressful on us to try to force a time in the fall – so we chose another time. It doesn’t matter what time – but just make sure it is away, without the kids, and overnight, oh – and done. This is going to valuable for us!
Solution #4: Read together. Currently we are reading When Sinners Say I Do with another couple in our church (who have been married much longer than us) and we are reading The Meaning of Marriage before bed on most nights. If we are taking a toad trip – we bring a book along to read in the car (usually me since E does most of the driving).
Solution #5: Go on dates. We started (before kids) with a weekly date night, now we get one about every 3 weeks. That is still better than most. And that is a time we go out and grab dinner or do something fun while someone watches our little one. We are blessed with amazing babysitters who never tire of our sweet boy. Make it a habit to date your spouse!
Solution #6: Don’t overcrowd your schedule. There will be seasons of busyness in your family’s schedule. But, don’t make it a habit. I know around Christmas time, even if we don’t travel, will be extremely busy because my husband is on staff at a church. But, for most weeks, we try to have most evenings at home. We have learned in a short amount of time being married that we need this more than almost anything else. If we go days without being at home with each other in the evenings, we get into arguments or just don’t know what is going on in each other’s lives.
If you want your marriage to not only survive, but also thrive in this culture of skyrocketing divorce rates and meaningless marriages – seek to apply one or more of these solutions.
by Kimberly | Jun 10, 2013 | Uncategorized
Friends of mine have a rule to not speak to each other before a certain time in the morning – mainly because I think they aren’t morning people (at least they have learned these things in their marriage). That is somewhat anecdotal – but how many times do our tongues get us into trouble.
My trouble? Always (or a lot of the time) speaking what I think. Sharing my opinion. As of this morning, I think that opinions are overrated. (Didn’t I just share an opinion – I’ve got a long road to recovery!)
Here is why and some guidelines as to whether you should share your opinion or not:
1. Eph 4.29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” I won’t even give examples, but use your brain and heart to answer these questions about your opinions that you so are ready to share: 1. Is it corrupting? 2. Will it build up every hearer? 3. Does it fit the occasion? 4. Will it give grace?
2. Deut 30: 14, 19-20a: “But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it. I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and, blessing and curse. Therefore, choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him.” Again – no examples, just questions: 1. Is what you are about to say a biblically based opinion (of course I’m not talking about mundane things like choosing a restaurant). 2. Will it bring blessing or cursing? 3. Are you being obedient to the Lord in sharing or even having that said opinion?
3. Proverbs 21:2, 23: “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart. Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” 1. Would the Lord agree with your opinion you are about to share (meaning what is in your heart and why are you sharing it)? 2. What is your heart motivation in sharing your opinion or being heard (often for me it is because of pride and I think I’m right)? 3 Do you daily practice “keeping your tongue”?
After some previous conversations and looking more in depth at these verses and asking these questions – I may do a lot less talking and a lot more listening.
by Kimberly | Jun 7, 2013 | Books, marriage
Disclaimer: This is a book about sex. There, I said it. My husband even asked me one time as I was talking with him about some of the topics in this book: “What are you reading?” I told him it was a book for wives in sexual relationship with their husbands and only their husbands in a Christian marriage.
Taviano is a wife, mother of three girls, and a writer and blogger. Is That All He Thinks About is a quick but thought provoking read for wives in a married relationship. She discusses many topics and answers that she discovered not only within her life and marriage relationship but also in a survey that she asked to friends. With her findings, she seeks to help women live and live well their husbands in relationship to all things that go on in and outside of the bedroom.
I’m glad that she covers a wide variety of topics, even “taboo” talks that Christian women might not ever dare ask to friends because they don’t want to deal with misplaced shame – and she handles them in a biblical way, citing Scriptures when necessary. If there isn’t a Scripture that deals specifically with a certain topic – than she uses biblical wisdom and other Scriptures and even just common sense or healthy living to come up with her opinions.
There is one problem I have with her book (and many other books on this topic written for women). Many authors make an assumption that all men (or 99%) of them have sex on the brain all the time. In my conversations with women, I don’t find that to be the case. Some I spoke with before getting married myself dispelled that theory quickly. There is one chapter in her entire book that deals with women who want more sex than their husbands and why that is the case, and what you could do. I didn’t find it adequate.
Help women see that they most likely aren’t freaks of nature just because they desire more sexual relationships (not just romantic thoughts) than their husbands and help them deal with the guilt that may accompany that feeling.
Two practical ideas that come from reading this book when issuing it as a recommended read for other women:
1. Read with caution. Don’t take for face value everything she says (or any other author). Think carefully and pray thoroughly through these sensitive topics. Sexuality can make or break a marriage relationship.
2. Talk to your husband. It may be awkward at first, but you can’t just do things that a book says not knowing whether or not your husband is even similar to the men talked about in this (and other) books. Your husband is YOUR husband. The sexual relationship is between you and him. Be honest, share, and grow together – even if you’ve been married 3 months or 25 years.
Thanks Marla for the book!
