by Kimberly | Oct 31, 2017 | 31days, lavish hospitality, marriage
I’ve not been married too long. I mean 6 years and change isn’t long for a lot of people, an dI know I have much to learn. We have much to learn. God is so gracious to us to teach us in every season of our marriage.
We’ve been through 7 moves, 3-4 job changes, two children, so many changes.
And I’ve learned, even in the hard times, I have been given a man who pursues Jesus, encourages me to pursue Jesus, and is the one I want to rest in. Even in times of hurt and pain and sin and miscommunication, I often know that my safest place on this earth is with him. And that can only come from Christ.
I’ve learned that my mister will let me down, but Christ will not. My mister is not my Savior. Jesus is.
And in those times that are hard, I have a responsibility to show him lavish hospitality in two ways.
- To forgive him. I need to forgive him and not hold those sins against him. Isn’t that what Christ does for us. We sin so much. Just think of how many times you correct your kids over the same things. That shows us such a glorious picture of God’s great patience and grace with us. He just keeps loving us well. The same thing is what I need to do for my mister. I need to keep loving him well because Jesus has loved me well. My mentors once told me the secret to loving in a marriage – loving well in a marriage – succeeding in a marriage – love Jesus more than your spouse. TRUTH.
- Don’t make your spouse your everything. It is suffocating to them. When you put so much pressure on them to be all for you – you don’t allow them to thrive. It can get stifling. Your spouse was never meant to be your everything. Jesus was.
Quote taken from Dave Harvey’s When Sinners Say I Do
by Kimberly | Oct 31, 2017 | 31days, lavish hospitality
As I start to wrap up this hospitality series, maybe not in the way you thought hospitality would be talked about:
I want to share a few more ideas on how we can be hospitable to ourselves.
Showing lavish grace to ourselves.
First, what I don’t mean. I don’t mean we get to be always lazy – never doing the hard things. I don’t mean we can keep on sinning and doing what we want because we don’t want to do the right thing. I don’t mean that you can wallow in self-pity.
Here’s what I do mean:
- Pour out truth to yourself. CJ Mahaney, Jerry Bridges, so many authors talk about the importance of preaching the gospel to yourself. I’ve had friends do it for me when I’ve desperately needed it. I receive text messages and emails and voxer messages that are filled with truths that I need to remember – even when my heart is hurting and I’m stressed to the max.
- Remember you are not Super Woman. Halloween brings with it so many opportunities to dress up, be someone different than who you are. We can put on a cape and be superheroes – but we aren’t it. We will never save our kids. We will never have it all together. We will never be all to everyone. We can’t be. If we were…we would never realize our need for Jesus.
- Allow ourselves to rest. I’m not talking about being lazy. I told my mister the other day as we sat down on a cozy afternoon watching an NCIS episode on Netflix, that I would do that all day. Before I was married, if I had a day empty of responsibilities – I would just sit and binge on a show. In fact, when I first moved back to Raleigh in the spring before I was married, my roommate and I would often just multitask on the couch. I watched 6 seasons of NCIS in 4 months. It was awesome. We both had writing jobs and could sit on the couch, work, and memorize all the Gibbs rules. And maybe that’s ok sometimes, or just go sit out on the beach and listen to the waves crash. God made us for rest. But, we will never find our complete rest in anyone apart from him.
Quote from Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner
by Kimberly | Oct 30, 2017 | 31days, lavish hospitality, parenting
This turned in to a great family weekend. I don’t think any of us opened a computer. We were outside, watching netflix cozied up on the couch, etc. It was nice. But, now – to finish off this series on hospitality!
There are some ways to provide hospitality to your kids – that you may not even be aware of. At least these are some ways that we can provide hospitality to our children – how we can help them feel welcome, safe, and desired. Tehse have worked for us – even in the many MANY moves that we’ve had to make since they’ve come into our lives!
- Stability. Ok – so, we’ve had to move several times. Our older son is 5 and since his birth we’ve moved 6 times. But, we’ve tried to do things that help with the stability. We’ve kept the furniture in our home the same. We’ve tried to keep our schedules (especially their daily schedule) the same. We’ve found this helps them be mostly calm even in the unknown.
- Consistency. This may sound similar but it is different for us. Like, we don’t keep the boys out too late because we’ve learned that they do better with life if they are in bed at a consistent time. We’ve learned that they need to wake up at the same time. Be around the same people. New environments make one of our boys not feel safe.
- Clean. Ok – this is probably the hardest, but thankfully I’m married to my husband. But, in our house, we like things clean because it creates a sense of calm. When we move, we get unpacked quickly. We keep most things really clean. I mean picked up. We don’t leave clutter every where. I wish everything was actually clean – but I don’t wipe down baseboards or sweep every day.
Those are just a few ways we help provide hospitality, security and refuge. These are pretty practical. What practical ways do you serve your children with to provide hospitality to them?
Quote from Tender at the Bone by Ruth Reichl
by Kimberly | Oct 27, 2017 | 31days, lavish hospitality
One of the hindrances to genuine lavish hospitality is busyness. Our schedules play a huge role in deterring community with others.
It might be busyness that affects relationships with our families: we aren’t intimate with our husbands or schedule dates because we are too busy with work, too tired from parenting, or we desire to rather hang out with friends or watch television. We may not have good relationships with our children because we don’t think they are important enough we are always on our devices or scheduling them things to do so we don’t have to engage with them.
It might be busyness that affects relationships within our community. I’ve learned this is most true in the past 4 years or so. We’ve moved four times in four years (but most of those within the same city). It has been amazingly difficult find community. We are all busy. Our families. Our jobs. Our schooling choices for our kids. Our ministry involvement. Where we choose to live. How we spend our weekends.
I was talking to the mister the other day and we have always been on the same page about having an open home, people can come by anytime. We love having people over. We want to get to know people. Its terribly hard in groups to get to know people and build community. Have you ever asked someone to hang out and it takes over a month to make the schedules work. Or you hang out one time and it takes 6 months to do it again?
Our busyness is a community breaker. And I think one way we can tackle the busyness domination is with the Spirit’s help. Self-control. We will continue this discussion later.
Quote taken from Lydia Brownback’s A Woman’s Wisdom
by Kimberly | Oct 26, 2017 | 31days, lavish hospitality
Would you like to hear a heart desire of mine? Really?
I’ve wanted a place (a home, which we have) to have a meal with people each week. Preferably the same people because I love deep community, but a place to sit down over food and good conversation, good drink and lovely people – a place for people to be real, for kids to play in the yard, for time to slowly pass because you are enjoying the company so much.
A place to share happiness and hurts, celebrations and pain. A place where you can come dressed up or in cut-offs and flipflops. And for this to be longterm.
I didn’t have this growing up – even though we lived in the same house and went to the same church most of my growing up years. We sorta had it with the small church I grew up in with 5th Sunday dinners, but that was at a church and only happened a few times a year. Though there was some seriously good food.
But, I want it around our table. And if I had my way, I would pick about 10 couples to all move to my neighborhood and do this with me every week.
Quote from Sally Clarkson’s The Life Giving Table. Originally in Orthodoxy
