by Kimberly | Aug 3, 2011 | Uncategorized
This is a direct re-post from a blogger from The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas. I loved this post for the most part and wanted to share it with you. I want to meet Jen Wilkin. Some people you instantly connect with – I’d like her to be one of those people.
Do you have any thoughts? (My fave thoughts from her are in bold). And yes, you may already be thinking to yourself: Self, Kim doesn’t have children yet, she’ll change her mind.” I have had these thoughts and feelings and convictions for a long time. So, bring me your thoughts, I’ll try to answer them and listen to yours. How are we going to teach our children how to worship God in “big church” if we don’t bring them in with us to have family worship time together with the church body as a whole?
I explored the “Why” of bringing school-aged children into weekend worship with their parents. I thought a follow-up post on the “How” might be helpful. While our hearts may urge us to bring our kids to worship, our heads may question exactly how we’re supposed to make that happen. What if my child is a distraction? What if I have to leave the service? Don’t let fear of the unknown keep you from cultivating this vital shared experience for your family – it really is possible to bring small children to Big Church in a way that builds up your children, your family and the church body. Here are a few suggestions that proved helpful to our family as we began transitioning our small kids to Big Church.
Begin with the end in mind.
As parents, we make decisions for our children’s future, not merely for their present. This means we begin with the end in mind, asking the question: “Where do I want my children to worship when they are adolescents?” Then we think strategically about how to train them to that end. If we wait until they are adolescents to bring them to worship with us, we wait too long to model worship for them and we heighten the unfamiliarity they will feel entering that environment. Far better to ease them into their rightful place in corporate worship during their younger, more teachable years. This might mean that in the short term they sit in a room that does not always engage them at their level. And that’s really okay. Your child may not catch every sermon point, but attending with you is still a huge win because of the modeling they will see and the familiarity they will develop. And you might be surprised by how much they do take away.
Start small, but definitely start.
For our family, the transition to Big Church began at age five. If having your child with you every week in worship feels overwhelming, start with once a month and work your way up to every week. A kindergartner is old enough to sit through a worship service in a respectful and participatory manner as long as a clear expectation has been set, which leads me to…
Set the expectation.
Before coming to Big Church together, explain its purpose to your child: it is a time for believers of all ages to enjoy worshipping God together. It is a place where both children and adults belong. Talk about how long the service will last. Talk about the order
for worship: first we greet each other, then we sing, then we listen to the pastor, then we pray. Finally, set specific, age-appropriate expectations along
three lines: Behave-Follow-Listen
1. Behave Explain to your child that we behave well during Big Church. We use self-control so we can worship and allow those around us to worship.
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We sit upright (no sleeping) and keep our belongings and hands to ourselves. We try not to wiggle.
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We keep our shoes and socks on.
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We potty and get a drink before and after the service, not during. (Remember to take the child for both of these needs before the service starts.)
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If we must speak to mom or dad, we whisper.
2. Follow Explain to your child that we follow along during worship. We do what everyone else is doing as part of sharing worship together.
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We stand when others stand (sit, pray, sing, greet, give, etc.) Help your child meet this expectation by guiding him through the participation process during the service. Sit where he can see the song lyrics on the screen or share your hymnal with him. Help him turn to the scripture reading, following along with your finger while it is read. If an offering is taken, let your child drop the envelope in the plate or offering box. Model how to pray, sing and greet others.
3. Listen
Talk to your child about the importance of listening to people who God has placed over us: a teacher, a police officer, a parent. Explain that a pastor
is also placed over us by God. We listen to him because he teaches us God’s truth. He does this in Big Church during the sermon. When you go to worship, give your child a small, age-appropriate assignment to help her listen to the message:
- “Write down three words you heard that you didn’t know.”
- “Draw a picture of something the pastor talks about.”
- “Write down something true that God showed you through the sermon.”
Set them up to win.
Now that you’ve set an expectation for how you want your child to act in Big Church, take a few steps to help her meet that expectation.
· Have a special “church-only” tote filled with a Bible and noise-free activities for your child to do during the service. If your church does not allow food or drink in the sanctuary, do not bring them for your child. Even if they do allow it, think twice about bringing it from a noise and mess perspective. Leave electronics at home. Make sure your phone is off limits to your child during the service.
· If Children’s Church does not teach your children the songs sung in Big Church, burn a CD of them for your child to listen to in the car, during room time, etc. Even better, if your church has its own worship CD, play it so your kids will be familiar with the music.
· If possible, introduce your child to your pastor and worship leader. A child is more likely to Behave-Follow-Listen if she feels seen and known by the person leading the service.
· In your early attempts, consider giving a reward for meeting the expectation of Behave-Follow-Listen: “If you follow along, behave well, and listen
during the service we will go for ice cream after church.”
Debrief and reinforce.
After attending Big Church together, remember to talk to your child about how it went and what could go differently next week.
· Ask your child for feedback: “What did you learn in church today?” “What was your favorite part of worship?” “Tell me about what you drew.” Talk about what you liked from the sermon in terms they can understand.
· Affirm success: “I liked how you sat quietly and colored, even though the sermon went long today.”
· Correct failure: “Next week I want you to try to wait to ask me questions until after the service.”
· Reset/re-emphasize the expectation of Behave-Follow-Listen for next week.
· Reinforce the sermon message: plan a family devotion or service activity to correspond with what the pastor talked about.
Persevere.
Be patient and don’t give up!
It takes many offerings of leafy greens before a child learns to eat them, and many more before she learns to enjoy and value them. Big Church is also an acquired taste and a learned value. Allow your child time to develop his taste for the spiritual food of corporate worship. The act of worship takes self-control – believers of every age must learn to set aside distractions and devote our full attention to the adoration of God. Self-control takes time to develop for all of us, and especially for children. Give grace during that process. The One you are training them to worship is a patient Father to you. Persevere in training your child to take his rightful place among the community of believers. Before you know it, Big Church will be just the right size for everyone in the family.
Give ear, O my people, to my
teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a
parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and
known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done. Psalm 78:1-4
by Kimberly | Aug 1, 2011 | Uncategorized
I love new months! This one is definitely going to be exciting!
1. This weekend was fun in getting to celebrate my fiance’ who turned a year older (‘er, younger) on Friday! We had a blast with friends and food and a little road trip!
2. A friend and I went wedding shoe shopping yesterday: this is what we found. I am so STOKED!
3. This month I get to go to Louisville and hang out with friends and attend/participate in the Connecting Conference at SBTS. Looking forward to it!
4. Before I go to Louisville – I’ll be having a wedding invitiation addressing party with the best bridesmaids ever and having a personal shower thrown by some wonderful friends! Much wedding stuff to do this month – then I think we can take the month of September off!
5. Working on Q3 for the Treasuring Christ Curriculum. Exciting theme: the Extravagant Love of God through Christ!
Link Love:
1. Liked this article about youth and church attendence (plugged-in-ness).
2. Are you ever anxious – about anything?
3. I want this book when it comes out!
4. What a great post out of Resurgence.
5. If you are a woman: married or not – you need to rest in this post!
Have a great August everyone!
by Kimberly | Jul 27, 2011 | Worship
I wanted to take this time to “plug” for a new(ish) CD that I’ve been blessed by. And I hope you will be, too.
My fiance’ has had a really big year – God has truly blessed him immensely! Back in March he handed me one of his CDs hot of the presses – and I have really enjoyed it. For those of you who like Fernando Ortega or Michael Card, you will love this. God allowed him to bring together skilled musicians to collaborate on this CD that will bring joy and rest to your personal walk with God. This is from the CD site: “Arise, My Soul” in concept is an album meant to stir up holy affections for God. It is meant to be a recording that enables the listener to be drawn out of stress, distraction, sadness, discouragement, or fear into a state of blessedness, contentment, and adoration.” The songs on this CD have been used to bring me peace – literally in the midst of a hail storm.
He arranged the songs, sang of course, and played on the CD as well – you will quickly find out that I’m marrying up when it comes to the talent department (and every other department as well)!
One of my favorite lines on the entire CD is found in verse 4 of song 2:
Then one day I’ll see Him as He sees me,
Face to face, the Lover and the loved;
No more words, the longing will be over:
There with my precious Jesus.
I love this because it speaks of a greater marriage that will take place when Jesus returns for me. And makes me think of how our earthly marriages are a dim reflection of that great day.
And all the photos for the CD were taken by very talented photographer Rob McDorman
So – do you need rest for your soul in the music you listen to or just need some new music? May I recommend this one! Buy on iTunes or through the website or just contact me. (I know where I can get some CDs)!
by Kimberly | Jul 25, 2011 | Books, Women
I think that may be my strangest title yet for a blog post. But, hear me out.
I had the privilege of working for one of the authors of this book for almost 3 years. During those years, I heard him give many session talks at conferences and then got to transcribe those talks. This helped me remember them and learn them and pray for my future husband. Dr. Stinson not only can teach these principles and lifestyles, but he really does live them out.
The Guide to Biblical Manhood is based on a class that he and Dan Dumas taught together at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. We had begged Dr. S to teach this class for a while, so I’m grateful that they put it in the lineup. I hope every male student at SBTS is required to take this class. Not only does it go through general concepts which apply to all men: but then they break the book down into sections for husbands, fathers, and pastors. And not all of this book has to do with baseball and hunting – though that is definitely included! I laughed aloud reading some of the illustrations because I could hear my boss saying them or knew them definitely to be true. I’m thankful for godly, wise, “older” men in my life, like Dr. Stinson and Dan Dumas, who live out what they teach.
Anyway, so why did I read it? Well, when I saw it come across Kindle for cheap, I one-clicked it. I wanted to read it to know how to pray for my now-known future husband.
Here are some principles if you are going to do what I did:
1. Pray: Don’t NAG. If you are going to read this and pray these traits for your husband/future husband – then pray, don’t nag. Many women are very good at nagging about one thing or another. Men usually don’t respond well to nagging. But, pray the Holy Spirit would be the agent of change in your spouse’s life and heart.
2. Encourage. If you see a trait that your husband lives out very well – thank him for it. Bless him – be a blessing in his life by affirming God-type things in his life. If he plans a date night (which this book suggests), don’t gripe because its not your idea of a romantic evening – give him kudos for planning a great night for the two of you. If he leads in saying prayer at night for the family – don’t fuss because it doesn’t work into your time schedule. Stop what you are doing and make prayer a priority.
3. Pray for yourself too. Pray that you would respond graciously and kindly to these attributes in your husband. Just as Genesis 3 talks about the woman wanting to gain control in the relationship with her husband…we need to be on guard against the sin of wanting to be in control.
Since I bought this book on Kindle, I don’t have page numbers – and there are too many quotes I “underlined”, but here are a few of my favorites:
“We need men who will shoulder the weight of manhood as God designed it, who will live it out day to day but will incline their manhood toward the Gospel.”
“The pattern and order of creation set in these chapters is for me to bear the authority and responsibility of leadership. And that hasn’t changed. If you’re a man, it’s not optional to be a leader.”
“The man will take the initiative to leave his family and go create a new family. And men have to lead in the initiation because once they form a family, they are responsible to lead the whole thing.”
As I talked a few times with Dr. Stinson about being single and wanting a man who was a leader, provider, and protector – his word of caution to me was that I can’t expect men who have been single their entire lives to be perfect at these three things. But, they all need to be pursuing these three traits – and the Gospel. I am grateful for the man that God provided me with. With God’s help – he is a tremendous leader, provider, and protector.
Thanks Dr. Stinson and Dan. I appreciate the time and candidness with which you both wrote this and taught this. I’m excited to see how marriages will change because of this little book.
by Kimberly | Jul 25, 2011 | Uncategorized
Wow – July is rapidly drawing to a close – but we still have one more fun-filled weekend ahead of us!
1. Love it when late flights turn into early flights (arrival times) because of delays – but I’m equally grateful for people who are willing to sacrifice to still pick me up at 1:30 in the morning!
2. I finished reading this book on the plane: and its great. More on why I read it coming later in a blog review.
3. Wedding plans are coming together. So excited about – wish it could be here sooner!
4. Great time in TX this wknd. A blessing, hanging with friends, good food, and the only thing I didn’t care for about TX this time is the DOT – the roads are so bad. Oh, well. I now know there is a state worse than NC.
5. Another book I’m reading: What Did You Expect by Tripp. So good!
6. I’m greatly anticipating this week: meetings, writings, exercising, birthday celebrating, meeting new friends, shoe shopping!
Link Love:
1. Yum, and oh so rich!
2. Love this by a dear friend about time organization!
3. One of the friends I hung out with this wknd is a great photographer (and so is one of the others), but this is Kristin’s blog
4. Pray these for yourself – and I would encourage you to have others pray them for you as well.
5. Hmmmm….I may make this for a very important birthday dinner coming up
6. If you are a writer, or an aspiring writer, you need to read this post from my friend Courtney.
7. Great post on Katy Perry by Mary Kassian.
8. What a great gift idea!
