by Kimberly | Sep 6, 2012 | Books
Ok – I know I may be wishful thinking, especially with a due date sometime this month, but what do you think nap time and feeding time is for? I know, staring into my newborn’s face, but I can read too – and know many that do. Or those nights when I can’t get back to sleep (like last night when I couldn’t fall asleep) – this is what I can do (or play Angry Birds)
Devo Books: These are ones I use to pray for my hubs and baby or as a Bible help or just short devotional reading: Finding Faithful Elders and Deacons, Boyhood and Beyond, Keep a Quiet Heart, and Psalms by Boice
Reading Books: James (for writing purposes), Hobbit (not shown, but we are getting it to read to baby), Godliness, and The Fruitful Wife. This is a new book coming from Crossway – and I’ve read a couple of DiMarco’s books for teen girls and they are really good and relevant. So, I expect nothing less from this one.
What are you reading?
by Kimberly | Aug 22, 2012 | parenting
I have a pair of shoes that I love. Found them at a consignment shop in Belmon, NC – a pair of JCrew Zebra peep toe 3 inch heels. They are fabulous. Heels are amazing and so are flats – gorgeous shoes that make any outfit. What about the lipstick I just found in a perfect shade of purple or that great gray knit clutch I have that goes well with any outfit I have on – any time of the year?
Should be there some boundaries in what I allow my son to wear/try on?
Read this article in Parenting magazine. I couldn’t believe it.
“Picture this: you are a single mother raising a son. You walk into your 4-year-old’s room and find him wearing his sister’s tutu and his face smeared with lipstick. What do you do:
A. Get on the phone with your pediatrician, sure that the lack of a male role model at home has caused irreparable harm
B. Tell him peach is more his color and grab your tube of Coral Sea
C. Shrug and reach for the wet wipes.
Parenting Answer: You are a fine parent if you do any of the above. Children from single parent homes are always experimenting with perceived ideas about gender.
This article frustrated me so much. Really…here are my thoughts.
1. God made you the parent to help shape your son or daughter into who they are going to be. That is a significant role. And I don’t think it is right for a boy to dress up in girly fashion, try on lipstick, or really, play with barbie dolls. I think boys struggle with their identity as it is. Just like girls do. But, fathers – step up and be a good positive manly role model for your son – starting before he is even born. Women – teach your daughter how to be feminine even when she is a baby. You have this charge! God created each of us male and female. We display the glory of God by being who God created us to be.
2. If you are a single Mom – see if there are dads in your local congregation that you can ask to help show your son what it means to be a strong man of God. Ask the children’s pastor or youth pastor if there is someone he would recommend. Single Dads – do the same thing – but with a godly woman (aunt, sister) who might mentor your daughter on what it means to be feminine.
3. Don’t feel like a failure. If I catch baby trying on my heels or lipstick. I may laugh then tell him that those are not things that he is to wear. Then I’ll go grab his daddy’s cologne and spray it on him, put a tie around his neck, or maybe put his ball cap on his tiny little head. Much grace is needed in parenting – we don’t need gender bending.
I’m not talking about teaching your son how to cook or make a bed, or teaching your daughter how to change the oil in her car. These are life skills that each person needs (and I still don’t know how to change the oil in my car). I’m talking about gender-specific activities or apparel. Lipstick, dresses, soldier play, guns, etc.
The one part I liked about the Parenting article: “Parents are a key influence!” Will you be an influence for biblical masculinity and femininity – that hopefully will give them rich insights into the Gospel of Jesus Christ – or will you allow you children to determine their “preference” in who they want to be.
Photo: These aren’t the shoes I’m referring to in the post, but aren’t they gorgous. I saw them in an NYC store front while we were on our honeymoon. Fab.U.Lous!
Two books to recommend on this topic: Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schulz and Girl Talk by The Mahaney Family and this link by Randy Stinson
by Kimberly | Aug 22, 2012 | marriage
A hot cup of morning coffee? 20 minutes alone when he comes home from work in the evenings? His favorite dessert for his birthday? A night out with the boys? A Saturday alone to watch all the college football games and finish it up with all the recaps on SportsCenter?
Do you know what makes your husband happy? Happiest?
E and I have a lot of good conversations on the couch. I love talking with him, very softly most of time (will be harder to do that when we get older if he starts to lose his hearing), just living life with him. In a recent conversation, he said this to me: “Don’t make my happiness and idol. Search for your own joy in your pursuit of God.”
That was a receptive rebuke.
Look here for all the times joy is used in the Psalms alone. What a rebuke by the words of the Spirit. So many times wives (or girlfriends) find their joy or happiness in their significant other. This can’t be the case. If so, that person or relationship has become an idol to us. Yes, we are supposed to do what we can do make our husbands happy, live with him in harmony, pursue peace and Christ together. But, in no way should we feel the blame for when we are doing our part and other situations in life are difficult – for a season. We can’t be mainly responsible for our husband’s happiness. He has to find his ultimate happiness in God and God alone – just like we do.
Why do you think that you can be your husband’s happiness? I’m not saying he should be miserable when he is around you – and I hope the wedded bliss of the honeymoon lasts forever in your marriage (and mine)…but if we aren’t happy in Christ – with or without our husbands – then we have made something else God in our life and are leaving out the most important LIFEsource.
Photo: This was taken on our honeymoon in Philadelphia at a place called Bonte’ Waffles. A breakfast that made both E and me happy!
by Kimberly | Aug 21, 2012 | Uncategorized
I heard this song for the first time at TGCW12 in June. Then my husband introduced it to FBCD a few weeks ago. Last week it was our song we sang with our quiet times/family worship all week. I love how we have started doing this because it allows a song to sit in your heart for a while and marinate!
Holy Spirit, living Breath of God,
Breathe new life into my willing soul.
Bring the presence of the risen Lord
To renew my heart and make me whole.
Cause Your Word to come alive in me;
Give me faith for what I cannot see;
Give me passion for Your purity.
Holy Spirit, breathe new life in me.
Holy Spirit, come abide within;
May Your joy be seen in all I do—
Love enough to cover ev’ry sin
In each thought and deed and attitude,
Kindness to the greatest and the least,
Gentleness that sows the path of peace.
Turn my striving into works of grace.
Breath of God, show Christ in all I do.
Holy Spirit, from creation’s birth,
Giving life to all that God has made,
Show your power once again on earth;
Cause Your church to hunger for Your ways.
Let the fragrance of our prayers arise.
Lead us on the road of sacrifice
That in unity the face of Christ
Will be clear for all the world to see.
Song written by: Keith Getty and Stuart Townend
What songs have meant a lot to you recently?
How do you incorporate singing/songs into family worship?
by Kimberly | Aug 20, 2012 | random
Are you singing along yet? What a great way to start out a rainy (thankful!) Monday morning.
1. A new adventure. I am bittersweet over having to leave Durham, my fave city, a place I’ve called home on two seperate occassions, a place with dear sweet friends and fabulous eateries, and the first place I’ve lived with my husband in our first home. But, oh, how I love adventures. E and I are about to embark on two great adventures almost simultaneously. First, I’m counting down the days until baby Campbell is here. Now, with normal deliveries you have no idea when they are coming. I’m definitely hoping he comes SOON! I guess my ideal would be anytime before his due date! Second, my hubs has been called to serve the Bible Church of Little Rock as their worship pastor beginning October 1. So, once baby arrives, and (Lord willing delivery goes well) we will be out of RDU and on 40 W to the Central Time Zone and Little Rock, Arkansas. It will be a quick turnaround, but one that God has already blessed and we are ecxited about what the future holds. I am very thankful for social media to keep up with all these friends here and get advice on how to have a newborn and survive!
2. A sweet, creative girl told me about this other girl back when I did a photo shoot for her. Another friend also just told me about her blog and then I decided to look at her site. If you are looking for a blog written from a modest perspective (she is a believer, active in her church) that talks about makeup, fashion, hair, style, jewelry, etc – then Kate’s is the place to go. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it and have been inspired – both for now, and definitely after baby arrives.
3. I finally have found a lip gloss that I love the color of – and it can work in between seasons! 🙂 Lancome has a line of lipgloss called Color Fever and I had a helpful makeup girl at the Macy’s Lancome counter who helped me pick out this shade of On Fire.
3. Grey and any shade of pink, purple, or blue. Like this little notebook I picked up at Target the other day. Not that I need another notebook, but sometimes its helpful for inspiration.
4. These Jane Austen Etsy pencils my best friend picked up for my last year. Love newly sharpened pencils and Jane Austen – how can you go wrong? And you can find many modern and classic literature pencils to buy for anyone!
5. Was introduced to a new store online that sells anything from pencils to stationery to skirts and hats. Great store, good sales…RUCHE.
by Kimberly | Aug 16, 2012 | Uncategorized
Guess you first have to define what you mean by all.
This question was raised in my mind earlier this week when many FB folks were saying just dont’ try to aim to high or accomplish too much once baby is born – but I refuse to go quietly! So, I began thinking. Thinking mind you – not praying. So, after I write my list I will need to pray about it and see if there is any clarity that God would make to it, but I’m excited about the possibilities.
Q: Can a wife and mother have it ALL?
A: Yes!
So, what is your all?
Here is mine: I want to put my relationship with God first, then my husband, then my son, then myself, then my home, then my ministry, etc (fun, hobbies) So…how does that happen?
Some people want it all and think they can have a full time job outside of the home, be the amazing wife and mom, cook a gourmet meal, and keep a Pottery Barn/Southern Living home. There are only so many hours in the day. But, then, how do I intend to accomplish my all? Two words: discipline and priority.
Let me define what I want to accomplish in those listed above and give some biblical reasons for discipline and priority.
God: having a quiet time every day, prayer journaling for my husband and son, reading
Husband: E has to be my top earthly relationship. If not, everything else in the list falls apart. That means spending time with him and making him a priority in my day.
Son: I’m a little overwhelmed by this one as I start out – but God has created me to do this. I will be baby’s main life support for the first few months. So here goes something I know nothing about.
Me: Some people would consider this selfish – but I think if you don’t take care of yourself, you really aren’t that good to anyone else. That means getting away a maybe a few hours a week for quiet time (without baby and husband) just to breathe. That means exercising, showering, grooming yourself, etc.
Home: Ask E, my home is not on the top priority list right now, especially being 9+ months pregnant. I shipped out all of this shirts to the cleaners because standing to iron them wore me out. I cook a few times a week and we eat out more than I care to right now. But, this is the one that will take the most discipline for me: cleaning, grocery shopping, setting up a new home (an apt for a few months), but I look forward to it!
Ministry: Writing, Teaching, discipling other women – that’s what I believe the ministry is that God has called me to.
Etc: My etc is photography and traveling. I love to do both – and I love to do both with my husband. What a joy to journey this life together and enjoy multitasking with the one I love the most!
So now, how do I accomplish all of that:
Discipline: So, maybe I can’t sleep as long or play Angry Birds until I win a round but something things are more important. 1 Corinthians 9:27 is a great verse for this. In no way do I want to hinder the Gospel – and I think we as women can do that if we live our lives haphazardly or without any discipline. This thought is sobering.
Priorities: You know what this means: You must learn to say NO! What this means for me is multitasking and planning. I need to actually stick with a schedule when I make it and multitask. If I want to build a relationship with a woman in the church – then why don’t we do something together instead of just sitting there talking (like going on a walk, a photo shoot, learning to cook a meal together, etc). That means getting up early. This morning I was wide awake at 530a. God is preparing my body for having a baby on his time schedule I assume! 🙂 What did I do: ate something (because I hungry) and then grabbed the ipad, then got back in bed. What should I have done: resigned myself to the fact that I woke up early, ate something, had a QT, made my schedule for the day, cleaned some, showered, made bfast for the hubs, etc. I could have been so much more productive.
One other thing about priorities and schedules that I learned from Carolyn Mahaney – is that if there is something you really want or feel like you need to do and life maybe relaly busy: ask your husband. His role is to protect and love you – this means helping you say no sometimes. And listen to him ladies! If you are single: see if there is an accountability partner/couple that you can ask for insight into your schedule and help you maintain one that is doable.
Here is my word of caution for myself and you as my friends: GRACE. My husband insisted that I send the dress shirts to thc cleaners. I said no three times and finally caved. Eating out is an option if I am pain to stand in the kitchen for more than 30 minutes. There will be more mornings when my body is exhausted and I need to crawl back in bed. Know that the Lord is gracious. He is good to those who call on Him and those who rest in Him.
Photo courtesy of Erica Soley Cooper Photography – journeying with my hubs!
by Kimberly | Aug 15, 2012 | marriage
Books. Chick Flix. Television. Advertisements. Blogs. Magazines.
We are bombarded with media no matter if we have a cable subscription or not. Checking out buying groceries we are enticed to look at half-dressed women screaming to us that “your husband would rather look at me than look at you or sleep with you.” Or there are magazines that are telling us that are sex lives can not be fulfilling and satisfactory if we don’t do certain acts or if our bodies do not look as toned as the cover model. We may feel insecure if we spent hours watching the swimmers and track runners/cyclists compete in the Olympics. Does the thought cross you mind that you don’t measure up to someone who swims 5 hours a day and has never had children and doesn’t have to cook for 4 people with huge appetites?
Here are some thoughts I’ve had as I’ve been thinking through this issue the last few weeks, talking with friends, dialoguing with E:
1. Media (in and of itself) is not the enemy. I am not advocating that you hide yourself in a hole, never watch movies, never read books, never watch sports. I don’t really know how to apply the verse in the Psalms that says “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.” (Psalm 101.3) I think there is an unspoken/unwritten emphasis on the word SET that allows for a permenance or continuance. So, the psalmist isn’t saying you can’t watch television or ever see a movie or don’t read a book outside of the Bible, etc. But, what you choose to put before your eyes on a daily, habitual basis should not be “worthless”.
2. Prepare your mind and heart. There are nights that I can’t watch certain movies. We don’t have cable, but we choose to watch movies either from our personal collection or rent from Red Box or watch a DVD series (we are making our way through Cosby Show season 3 and NCIS season 1). I know if I am thinking something in my mind or have struggled with a personal sin – I need not watch certain movies. And, you need to prepare your mind for action as to how you are going to respond to what you are see or read. As 1 Peter says: ” Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (1:13-16)
3. Watch out for the weaker brother. If you are watching something that maybe is not a struggle for you, but you might think it is a temptation to lust for your husband, shut it off. It is not worth you watching something if it is going to cause him to sin. Talk about it. Somethings may be a struggle to your husband that you may not know about. Other visions may not bother him. But, also, know your weak areas. If you are struggling with how you look, wanting to lose weight or tone up, maybe watching the Olympians in their bathing suits with perfectly toned and tanned bodies isn’t such a great idea. Comparison is never a good game to play. You never win: it either leads to pride or to self-loathing. Neither are a mindset that God desires for His daughters. As Paul writes to the Philippians, ” Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
I pray that this benefits you in how you watch movies, read books, participate in sports, or even go to the grocery store. I dont’ know of any divorced couple that would say “we would have stayed together if we had just watched more television.”
by Kimberly | Aug 14, 2012 | Books, food
I was given two of Giada’s cookbooks and am almost done reading both of them – and salivating at the contents. Here is one of them – the easier recipes of the two cookbooks. This would be a good cookbook for a beginner, with some of the recipes not really needing to be in there because they only have like 4 ingredients or something and most cooks with any experience could put combinations together.
Here are the recipes that I look forward to trying in Everyday Italian:
Marinara Sauce (though I’ve come to love mine, maybe I can comine the recipes to make a perfect batch)
Vodka Sauce (so yummy and simple)
Lemon Spaghetti (because it is perfect for this summer weather)
Pizza di Spaghetti (baked pasta – does it get any better?)
Chicken Cacciatore (to see how it compares to my favorite)
Stuffed Mushrooms (actually, I made these for a wedding reception recently: they were a hit and quick and easy)
Verdure al Forno (basically, baked veggies and cheese)
Grilled Pineapple with Nutella (perfect late pregnancy treat)!
What I’ve learned about Italian cooking: 3 key ingredients are really expensive: proscuitto, mascarpone cheese, and pine nuts.
Enjoy cooking fresh!
by Kimberly | Aug 13, 2012 | Uncategorized
How many books out there on improving your marriage, making your marriage work, understanding your spouse, etc? Innumerable right? I agree. Not that I’m an expert or anything, but IMHO, this one is the best that I’ve read. And I’ve read a lot.
Gary and Betsy Ricucci have been married around 30 years and have written an authentically transparent book (Crossway, 2006) to show you how to apply grace to your marriage in every area (from conflict to romance to sex) and how to make it work at every stage.
How did we use this book? E and I love going on road trips. Even before we were married we would go on day road trips together and just enjoy the conversation, adventuring to new places, and trying out the camera. Then we took our honeymoon – and we started reading this book on the 2500+ mile road trip. It started impacting our marriage then. This past weekend, as we ventured through VA for a belated birthday trip, we finished the last two chapters: romance and sex.
This book is written from both Gary and Betsy’s point of view which makes it a great couples book. It is conversational and made me laugh and cry many times. It was usually my job to read it aloud as E does most of the driving for us (what a blessing). At the end of each chapter there are 5-10 questions that you can use to highlight some discussion starters. We didn’t have much trouble finding topics that we needed to discuss from the chapter, but these questions were helpful and might be helpful for the less inquisitive/conversational type.
This book is based on grace: that is what I love. It is sound in its theology, but it is more practical than theological. I like both. There are fabulous books out there on marriage that give a theological firm foundation for it which are needed. But, at every stage of marriage you need practical advice. Gary and Betsy would be ones that I would want to have a wknd retreat with…to learn from their wisdom.
“We have to be not only perfectly willing to acknowledge we may be wrong but eager to have it lovingly pointed out to us when we are.” (pg 38). I am growing in this area. Even yesterday I was sure a song was written by Margaret Becker and it was indeed written by Margaret Clarkson. My husband lovingly looked at me with a confused look and I was adament…but he was right. He didn’t gloat or boast or put me down because I was wrong. I apologized and we laughed about it.
“What goes on inside her mind and heart? What are her fears? Her dreams?” (pg 37) Husbands, it is important for you to learn this about your wives. Please.
“It is imperative that your spouse know that no other person or image enters your mind when romantic feelings flood your heart.” (pg 118) This even goes to thinking about television shows or movies that you’ve seen. Focus on your spouse. To paraphrase Mark Driscoll: your spouse is your definition of _____(beauty, intelligence, handsomeness, sexy, etc).
“True peace is far more than the absence of conflict.” (pg 106)
Use this book in quiet times together, a weekend retreat away to work on your marriage, date night each week (reach a chapter a week and it will take two months). What a great gift to Christian couples.
If you are wondering what my other fave book is for marriage: When Sinners Say I Do. My two fave for wives: Feminine Appeal and Helper by Design.
Photography by the talented Erica Soley Cooper in Old Salem, NC August 2011
by Kimberly | Aug 9, 2012 | Uncategorized
I love friends who make me run hard after Christ. One of those said friends is Janel, who is about to get married!!! A few years ago I went to visit her in cold and blustery Chicago. We watched a part of the Esther DVD from Beth Moore. Through watching that, reading the end of Deuteronomy and the beginning of Joshua, and talking with a friend who I can be completely real with…two truths about my life came out.
I Fear.
I Fear A LOT!
Beth Moore pretty much said this. If ________, then ___________. Let me fill it in. If I eat too much, then I will gain weight. If I gain weight, then I won’t be cool anymore. If I am not cool anymore, than I will be lonely. If I sin too much, then I will disappoint my husband. If my son doesn’t do __________, then others will think I’m a horrible mom. You get my drift. She said basically your logic had to be
“If __________, then GOD. It always had to be God in that second blank. If not, then something is amiss.
And that tied into something I heard recently – whatever you fear – that is your god. So, let me do some sentences for you….
I fear getting the dream job, because I fear failing at it (or not being OUTSTANDING at it.
(god = success)
I fear gaining weight, because I won’t be a role model to other girls and I won’t be attractive or be successful in ministry. (god = self image, pride)
I fear rejection by friends, because then that will mean something is wrong with me because they don’t like to be around me anymore. (god = friendships)
I fear never getting married, because someone won’t love me enough, and like me enough, to commit the rest of his life to me. (god = marriage, relationships).
I fear failure, because I have to be good at what I do (god = success).
I fear people getting to know me, because what if they just like me at a distance, then once they get to know me, they don’t like me anymore (god = people, popularity).
Beth said something else. Sometimes we fear not getting married because we don’t want to be alone. But, then we fear marriage because what if we get it and its not as great as we always dreamed or we screw it up somehow? I fear not getting that dream job, then I fear getting it because what if I am not good at it and people don’t like what I do?
Do you hear these statements? Do you see what brought me to tears this weekend?
I trust in other things besides the God of the Universe!
Here are some verses (it is so often used in Scripture):
Numbers 14 – “The Lord is with you, do not fear.”
Dt. 31 – “The Lord will be with you and won’t forsake you, do not fear.”
Ps 118 -“The Lord is on my side, therefore I will not fear.”
Jere 42 – “Do not fear them, declares the Lord, for I am with you.”
Joel 2 – “Fear not, but rejoice and be glad, for the Lord has done great things.”
Matt 10 – “Do not fear those who can kill the body, but cannot kill the soul.”
Heb 13: “The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, for what can man do to me?”
Basically, in my reading….If I trust and obey, if I obey the greatest commandment, then I will not fear. If I am fearing, then I am not obeying. I need to obey.
What do you fear?
Picture taken July 2012 by my sweet husband. Location: St. Augustine Lighthouse
