I’ve not been married too long. I mean 6 years and change isn’t long for a lot of people, an dI know I have much to learn. We have much to learn. God is so gracious to us to teach us in every season of our marriage.
We’ve been through 7 moves, 3-4 job changes, two children, so many changes.
And I’ve learned, even in the hard times, I have been given a man who pursues Jesus, encourages me to pursue Jesus, and is the one I want to rest in. Even in times of hurt and pain and sin and miscommunication, I often know that my safest place on this earth is with him. And that can only come from Christ.
I’ve learned that my mister will let me down, but Christ will not. My mister is not my Savior. Jesus is.
And in those times that are hard, I have a responsibility to show him lavish hospitality in two ways.
To forgive him. I need to forgive him and not hold those sins against him. Isn’t that what Christ does for us. We sin so much. Just think of how many times you correct your kids over the same things. That shows us such a glorious picture of God’s great patience and grace with us. He just keeps loving us well. The same thing is what I need to do for my mister. I need to keep loving him well because Jesus has loved me well. My mentors once told me the secret to loving in a marriage – loving well in a marriage – succeeding in a marriage – love Jesus more than your spouse. TRUTH.
Don’t make your spouse your everything. It is suffocating to them. When you put so much pressure on them to be all for you – you don’t allow them to thrive. It can get stifling. Your spouse was never meant to be your everything. Jesus was.
Sorry for the delay, we have been fighting with our internet reception at home. But, I’m still here. An update: I want to use this month to get the quotes and start the stories for Lavish Hospitality. Then use NaNoWriMo to really write it. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you for reading.
This past weekend we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. I have found in marriage it is very easy to show grace for the big things, but so much harder for the small things. One area that my husband and I need to both work on it love: not being easily offended. When one or both of us have been offended, we are not hospitable to each other.
The other night I just didn’t talk – that is my normal mode of response when I’m hurt. So, we watched Bull in bed without saying a word. Turned off the computer and went to bed, all without saying a word. That is not hospitable.
That is not how we are supposed to act. Love doesn’t act this way. I’m not very welcoming to my husband when I don’t even talk to him.
God always need to radically work on my heart when I am offended.
We all need marriage help. Whether we are single looking to get married (we read books on preparing for marriage). Or we are married and need help in our marriage (so many books on this topic). Or whether we’re no longer married (whether by divorce or death), and we can read books that will help us with that.
We are coming up on 6 years of marriage. They’ve not been easy because we’ve moved a lot and had many external changes and two kids to enter our family in that time. But, we’ve journeyed it together.
Mark and Jill Savage, who have been married a lot longer than we have, wrote a book together about their marriage – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
There are marriage books – and I put them in two categories: practical and theological. Theological books (think The Meaning of Marriage by Keller or This Momentary Marriage by Piper) are heavily theological. Yes, they are practical too, but that is not the main point of the book. Then there are marriage books that are primarily practical. Where these is Scripture in the book, and the author’s biblical worldview comes through, but it is mostly practical in nature.
No More Perfect Marriages falls into the latter category. I find it to be very refreshing that the authors share their story, heartbreak and all. They share how sin affected their relationship and how God redeems hurt and sin and pain.
One of the most helpful parts of this book is the talk about the masks we wear in our relationship with our spouse. I’ve thought about what mask I wear – and I think it definitely changes given the circumstance.
I think this book can help you and your spouse think through some helpful things that might prevent some heavy pain coming in the future – or may help you be prepared to fight that pain together.
Thanks to SideDoor Comm and Moody Publishers for this book. All opinions are my own. They are giving away a copy of this book too – if you would like a chance to win just leave me a comment telling me one of your favorite marriage books!
This past weekend my mister and I got to head just a ways out of the metro for an overnight date which we only get about once a year.
I know to some of you that is extravagant because you never get to for different reasons. To some of you, that isn’t enough, and you go lots more whether its because you have more money, more babysitters, or less children.
Either way, I think little getaways are crucial to good marriages (not necessities, but really really good ideas!)
But, just in case you can’t go on an overnight trip, don’t get many out of the house date nights, here are some ideas for loving your spouse well every day. Just like I’ve told girls getting married and my top piece of marriage advice (besides love Jesus first): study your spouse!
So, maybe these ideas might not be exactly what you would do, but hopefully they will spur you on to loving your spouse well in meaningful ways that will affect your marriage!
Leave little love notes. I love leaving little notes to my mister throughout the house or in his car. It doesn’t need to be a special day. It doesn’t even need to be a special card. Just a dry erase marker to the mirror, a sticky note, or a nice card you bought. Even write it out in blueberries. The card featured above is by Instead of Ashes, a little Durham designer that I love!
Pray for your spouse. You probably do this every day, but maybe one day, specifically ask your spouse how you can be praying for them. It might surprise you what they say. And then, go pray for them. Make sure to follow up with them and ask how God is answering the prayer. You might be surprised how short the time is for answers like that (uninterrupted conversations with my mister are hard to come by).
Drop by their work with lunch or a drink. It doesn’t have to be expensive, since I know budgets are tight. I will sometimes run by with a CFA milkshake in the middle of the afternoon. Today, we took my husband a Zaxby’s salad. Know their favorite drink and drop it by. Sometimes, you might not even need to see them, just have their receptionist give it to them.
Do the one thing that he loves. Ok – so my mister has always wanted a peaceful house. And in the 5.5 years we’ve been married, I think it would never be defined as peaceful. With 5 moves (6 for me, moving into his house), 2 kids, change of jobs, etc – that doesn’t sound peaceful. But, maybe sometimes you can have the kids in bed, tv off, couch cleaned off, kitchen sink cleared, and just chill and talk. We like to unwind after the weekend with taco night couch nights on Sunday nights.
Ask them what they need done for the day. I did this a lot more when I didn’t have kids. I would ask my mister what was one or two things that he would like for me to do during the day. Now that I have preschoolers, its just survival mode, maybe an occasional thrive mode! But, sometimes I am reminded that I can love him well by asking him this simple question. Maybe its ironing his favorite shirt for a big meeting the next day. Maybe its cooking his favorite meals. Whatever it is, just say ok honey! And don’t argue. It kinda ruins it!
Loving well takes intentionality and purpose. Don’t let a day go by when you aren’t striving to love your spouse well.
Tuna salad can be a go-to lunch any day of the week!
One of the pieces of marital advice I give every newly engaged girl I know is simply this: Love God, Love your mister, and study both.
When you love God first, loving others becomes easier (not easy, just easier).
Love your mister – I’m assuming if you are going to marry him you already do.
Study both. The more you get to know God’s character and dwelling on the Gospel, the more you will actively live our the gospel. Which every marriage needs. And then when you study your mister – not memorizing every book and trying to make your mister into that person in the marriage book – you are well on your way to success in marriage.
Now, how does that marriage advice apply to tuna salad?
Well, my mister loves tuna melts and getting his tuna salad perfect has taken me almost 5 years. So, when he tasted this the other day – I got a two thumbs up and don’t change a thing look – and he ate it all!
This tuna salad is also vertatile. You can have a low carb lunch by putting it into a avocado half. This is a delicious combination. You can toast some bread, melt some cheese on top, and have a traditional tuna melt. You can put it atop some greens for a salad. You can eat it with whole grain crackers for a lighter lunch. Or just eat it with a spoon.
The Perfect Tuna Salad
Recipe Type: Seafood
Cuisine: Southern
Author: kd316
Prep time:
Cook time:
Total time:
Serves: 4-6
A perfect tuna salad is great for parties, light lunches, or salads.
Ingredients
2 cans whole chunk white albacore tuna in water (the quality of tuna is so important)
1/4 cup Duke’s mayo and 1 T
1 tsp dijon mustard
3 hardboiled eggs (the cooking time for the recipe is all in the boiling of the eggs)
One of the most important parts about being married is receiving constant encouragement in your marriage. Whether its reading books, listening to sermons, asking questions of your spouse, dating your spouse, or being with couples who have been in marriage longer than you – or even coming alongside couples who haven’t been married as long – marriage encouragement is a MUST!
This past weekend I got to shoot at a beautiful location in Buckhead (in Atlanta), and be encouraged in my marriage. Similar to a regular wedding ceremony, there was a music, vows, family, a “sermon” – but no unity candle for which I was glad! 🙂
The joys for me: knowing this was where the groom proposed and this vow renewal was his idea (15 years of marriage – good man), how they incorporated their girls into the ceremony, how the bride and groom gave the charge to other couples there, and how laid back the bride was. That usually doesn’t happen at a wedding.
The most important thought for me was “Marriage is a long vision” Meaning – think long term for your marriage, don’t get so disgruntled with the here and now. This too shall pass. Marriage is for a lifetime.
Photographer: kcreatives photography
Location: the duck pond – buckhead, atlanta, georgia
