Just for disclosure sake: I have permission from my husband to share this story. He said he learned a lot from it early in our marriage and he wants to make sure that others learn the same lesson for the good of their marriage!
We had probably been married three months or so and having oatmeal most of those mornings. I had always cooked my whole oats in the microwave. I figured that’s how you did it. I hit the button for 1.45 and let them do their thing. Mister gladly ate them and never said anything about it so I thought they were fine. Well, come to find out, he didn’t eat them that way. One morning he said something to the affect of I don’t like my oats cooked this way. I want them cooked longer and less sweet. I probably burst into tears when he said that. Why cry over oats?
I had been doing them wrong all that time and he was just now telling me? Some of you are probably saying what a sweet husband, not to make a big deal out of the small and eating them because he loves his wife. That’s a great response and that’s exactly what he did. But, that wasn’t good for me. You see…I want to please my husband, especially in the kitchen. I love to cook and I want people to love to eat what I cook. So, after I got done crying, I asked him how he wanted them and have tried since to make them that way. Yes, its a little more work, but it pleases him and he eats them and never comments on them anymore except to say “Thank you, can you make these every day this week?”
Moral of the story: if your spouse does something that irritates you or doesn’t please you, you may want to find a gentle way to tell them how you would like it. Marriage is for the long haul – you might as well be happy in the little things! Philippians 2.3-4 is a great verse for our marriage. We read it on the night we got engaged. So applicable! What I wanted to know is how to please my husband in the little things: how to fold his shirts, his socks, hot to cook his oats, make his bed, etc. I want to do these things to please him. If I don’t know, how can I please him?
Wives, ask your husbands what would please him? Make every effort to do these things. Husbands, please be honest with your wives! And thank her for cooking your food for you!
Cinnamon Raisin Honey Oats
Recipe Type: Breakfast
Author: kd316
Prep time:
Cook time:
Total time:
Serves: 2-4
Simple, lightly sweet morning oats
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups uncooked oats (plus a handful)
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 cups whole milk
1 T raw honey
1 tsp cinnamon sugar mixture
2/3 cup raisins
milk for serving
Instructions
Heats all on a stove top until boiling, stirring constantly, until desired doneness.
I don’t know of any married woman who says “My marriage is perfect, we don’t need to improve in any area.” Its just not said. If it were said, there would be less divorces, no need for marriage counselors, or all the books in every bookstore about how to improve your marriage.
This is a simple, practical post. There are many spiritual things you can do to impact your marriage: pray (find a prayer journal here), read Spiritual Books, submit to your husband, and apply the gospel to every aspect of marriage. This blog post won’t cover any of those but it more practical in nature.
Do this every day and I guarantee you will find more happiness in your marriage. We’ve tried it – and it works.
Find out what blesses your husband and seek every day to do that very thing.
Here are some ways that plays out in our marriage.
Today: I made the bed. (My bed was seldom made before I got married). Sometimes, my husband makes it, but today I did. I made decaf slightly sweetened tea. He loves to have tea to drink at night with our dinner but can’t do the caffeine that late at night. So, I made tea. It took all of 10 minutes of hands-off time in the kitchen. Not difficult.
This week I’ve taken to decluttering one area of our home each week day. Clutter isn’t a good thing for my husband. He likes a neat home when he walks in the door. So, this week I’ve decluttered two areas in our master bedroom and put away and sorted all the boys’ clothes upstairs, and cleared off the fridge with all the Christmas cards we’ve received (we will be praying through those at meal times in our home).
Sometimes: its make his favorite meal. My husband’s favorite meal is spaghetti casserole. It is not the most healthy dish to be made. But, that is why it blesses him. He really loves it but it is not my normal go-t0. So, when I do make it he knows I’m making it primarily for him.
Here is the bottom line. None of these things that I’ve mentioned may mean squat to your husband. But, they mean a lot to my husband. Key to this working is: study your husband. Ask him what will bless him. Ask him about tasks he would like you to complete during the day or sometime that week. Make those items a priority on your to-do list that day.
And please, come back and let me know how it makes a difference in your marriage! Blessings!
Read Philippians 2:3-4 for more info on this topic!
Photo credit: my ring and Erica Cooper Photography
One of the pieces of advice I give new brides (or brides-to-be) is more than anything in marriage (from a human standpoint) – study your husband. With all the marriage, sex, and relationship books out there, knowing what pleases your husband (and isn’t a sin) is a great thing that you can bring to the every day life!
Here are some things I know about my husband after 2 years of marriage:
1. He doesn’t like clutter.
2. He is a sharp dresser.
3. He likes good shoes (think Johnston & Murphy).
4. He is more of an introvert than I am.
5. He loves Jesus and pursues the Word and the God who wrote it.
6. He likes his sleep.
7. He likes it when I put in my contacts instead of wearing my glasses.
Little things – right? Right! But, those 7 things may not apply to your husband. That is why you have to know your husband. I was told so many different things about what men like when I was engaged. I didn’t care and still don’t care what other men like. There is only one man on this earth that I regard his opinion to the utmost: my husband.
Gloria Furman writes this in Glimpses of Grace:
“We ought to take pains to study Christ. We study Christ because we’ve been saved for the purpose of being transformed into his image,
and in our beholding, the work of transformation occurs.” (pg 68)
How do you study Christ? The main way is to look at the Word of God – which all of it actually points to Christ. We are reading The Jesus Storybook Bible to Little Buddy at night. I love how she makes all the stories point to the Great Hero. All of them, even OT ones.
How can you know what you are supposed to be looking like if you don’t know Christ?
In the next few days we will be celebrating our two year anniversary. So much has happened in two years, but that is not what this blog is for. One of the joys of my marriage to the Mister has been meeting and getting to know this couple: Brian and Cara Croft – who wrote the new book The Pastor’s Family.
I remember before getting married, the Crofts came to Durham for vacation and we sat together for a meal at the Mister’s home. I felt like I had known them for years and I’m glad they approved of me (or the Mister may have had second thoughts).
Anyway, this blog is not to talk about the Crofts either. I want to give you an assignment for the weekend:
ENJOY YOUR HUSBAND
Whatever that will look like for you. It will look differently for every person. Encourage him, spend time with him (inside and outside of the bedroom), put his needs before your own or the kids, make his favorite meal, laugh with him, watch one of his favorite shows, enjoy the fall weather outside with him taking a walk or a hike.
“For your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant.” – Songs 1:2-3
Be creative! Just love on the one you have married!
One of the most important daily things that a wife can do for her husband…is pray for him. I learned this concept almost 17 years before I actually got married, but believe me – it is so true!
I can tell the days I pray for my husband, and I can tell the days that I don’t. Prayer is our conversation with a God who daily is involved and the leader of our lives. Jesus is interceding for us, and the Spirit helps us when we don’t know what to pray.
That is why I’ve created Prayers for the Journey. These free downloadable journals are yours for the printing. It is a journey through a specific book of the Bible, with a Scripture, a prayer, a journaling space, and additional verses or helps. I figured if I didn’t know really how to pray the Word for my husband, some others may not know either. These journals are designed for you to pray the Word specifically for areas you know your husband needs them. You are his greatest prayer warrior. You know him best. So, who best to pray for him daily!
My husband and I wanted these booklets to be a resource for you. So, if you use it and like it – make it available to other women (in your church, women’s ministry, neighborhood, small group, family, etc).
The walk of marriage you are on with your husband is indeed a journey – live it to the fullest!
Here are what some friends who have already read it have said:
From Phyllis Robshaw (married 35 years)
I can’t say it enough. Soak in the Living Word and claim these promises that are so beautifully expressed here. Ooo yes, personalize them for your loved ones. You are praying in HIS will and the answer is always “yes!” His timing, His way, but “yes!” The Holy Spirit taught me to do this early in my marriage and after almost 35 years, I am more passionate about it than ever!!! O how FAITHFUL our God is! Expect a harvest!!
From Renee Fisher (www.reneefisher.com, author, married about 2 years)
Kimberly understands the importance of praying for your husband. I prayed for 12 years, 10 months, and 24 days from the day I knew God promised me a mate to the day Marc proposed. Regardless of where along the journey you are praying for your husband–Kimberly recognizes prayer and reading the Word is important. Definitely check out Prayers for the Journey. You will be blessed you did!
From Amelia McNeilly (single, www.mywalkofgrace.com, agent)
Prayers for the Journey by Kimberly Campbell is a must read. It is 30 day devotional based on praying for your husband using passages from Ephesians. Each day highlights a different passage and a prayer. This is an ideal prayer resource not only for wives but single women as well. As a single person, this book is a great encouragement, because these are prayers that can can currently be prayed for my future husband. I’m already looking forward to Kimberly’s next book!
From Jennifer Sharpe (married for 15 years, editor of Treasuring Christ Curriculum)
Our husbands need our prayers. Kim’s fresh approach to praying for your husband will ignite your passion for being his most faithful prayer intercessor. I urge you to take this journey through the book of Ephesians and discover a deeper love for your husband.
I had serious help with this.
First, my husband read it and was blessed by it – but also gave some constructive criticism.
Second, my mentor for almost 20 years, Phyllis, is the one who taught me by example how to do this in the first place.
Amy Torcasso of Treasuring Christ fame and a blessing of a friend did all the design work.
Sarah Bowen, to be married this weekend, was a great editor. I look forward to her living out these as she gets married to her husband in just 5 days!
Whoever said being married to a pastor was easy – hasn’t been married to a pastor. Let me explain and in that explanation, tell you why I chose (and liked) Jared’s book The Pastor’s Justification – a book for pastors (not pastor’s wives).
When I went to seminary, I went for the purpose of getting further training so I could do what I wanted to do: disciple. If marriage came with that, great. But, at 23, that was not my main goal. I was there to learn how to do ministry and engage in ministry. I did meet girls there who said they were there because they knew they were called to be a pastor’s wife and seminary was the place to find single men entering the ministry.
Now, 14 years almost after entering seminary, having been married to a pastor for almost 2 years, I can tell you that there really is nothing glamorous about being a pastor’s wife. And that is why I chose to read Wilson’s book. And it’s a good one.
Don’t get me wrong: I love my husband, I love being married to him, I love serving him, and I love being his wife. I love ministry, I love doing ministry – but it is hard. It is hard to see your husband get beat up at work (not currently or literally, no black eyes yet). There have been times when ministry is hard and there are more times when it is a joy. It is hard to see him discouraged at times and wonder why the church would do that to him (because the church is full of sinners), and sometimes you just want him to be able to worship in church with you (but have to wait until vacation to be able to do that). As a friend who is also a pastor’s wife said, “Sundays make me feel like a single mom”.
Wilson, a pastor in Vermont, writes a very personal, very relatable, and insightful book for pastors. But, I also think it can be useful for pastor’s wives as well. Wives: if you want to know some of the heartache, pull, weight that is in your husband’s heart at times, read this book. Know how to encourage your husband in the gospel of Christ when he is discouraged. When your pastor husband feels like a failure and you don’t know what to do, this book might be insightful for you. Wilson takes many of the struggles that ALL pastors face and puts them up against our sinful spirit, and the grace and cross of Jesus. Our husbands aren’t successful because the numbers of the church increase or more people get baptized or the giving is on the up: they are successful because they are in Jesus.
Here are some ways you can read this book:
1. If you have multiple pastor’s wives in your church: read this book together. I think it would be great to have a monthly gathering of pastor’s wives, sip coffee or tea, eat a cookie or fruit, and talk about this book – be real, be vulnerable, and share what God is doing in your marriage.
2. Read this book with your husband. It will strengthen your marriage more than you think. You need to be in constant dialogue with your pastor husband. He needs to know where you are struggling and you need to know where he is struggling. Who else has that much insight into her husband’s heart?
