by Kimberly | Aug 7, 2013 | life together, marriage, Uncategorized
Eating, and hospitality in general, is a communion, and any meal worth attending by yourself is improved by the multiples of those with whom it is shared.
Jesse Browner
Marriage includes many joys!
One of the highlights of marriage and ministry for my husband is the idea and general enthusiasm I have for hospitality. He is a very hospitable person – but how “odd” is it for a family from your church to come to lunch at the home of a bachelor? Even one who keeps his home immaculately and can cook a great meal. E was grateful for marriage for many reasons but one of them was his increased opportunity to practice hospitality. I’m all for it.
Most anytime I mention an idea I have to practice hospitality, my husband gives me the thumbs up. Here are some that we’ve had the joy to do in our home, yes, with an infant, yes, moving to a new town.
1. Write the Word parties: where a group of women come over one night every other month to talk about the word and write out or journal a specific book of the Bible. All I need is chairs and maybe extra pens. What is optional: coffee, tea, water, evening goodies. My husband hangs out with the little mister so I can focus on talking with the women who come over.
2. Worship Ministry Birthday Parties: My husband is a worship pastor and loves pastoring those in the choir and orchestra. And I am not a part of his choir, but I do want to be involved in his ministry. So, each month we pick a night to have the birthday people for that month (and their immediate families) over for a dessert time. I love to bake – sometimes I get to be creative, sometimes I don’t. But each month it has been a joy to get to know families – no matter how many birthday people can make it that month.
3. Men’s Discipleship Groups: Every other week my husband would meet with a group of men from the church to discuscuss a book on church ministry and leadership. I loved exploring some new breakfasts with this group, but I have to admit this one was the hardest because I experienced first trimester through this one. Early mornings were rough, but the men were gracious as was my husband. They survived some weeks on bagels or store bought muffins. And with this one, much of it could be prepared the night before and ready for Eric to welcome them in the morning.
4. Hang Out times: This one I’m sure many of you do anyway. I love being able to have women in our home during the day while E is at work. Baby can be sleeping, or other babies can come along and join in on the fun. Especially helpful if you just have something to drink on hand – but that is not necessary either. Fellowship in your home doesn’t require anything but an open door and a welcome smile.
5. Sunday Lunches: Our Sundays are long days as you can imagine, but the crockpot comes in handy for this one! Or you can always pick up a pizza on the way home! Pick a different single, couple, or family. This one with my family where it is right now is easy – because right when we get home little mister goes to bed, so he sleeps through almost anything. The afternoon is cozy and good for conversation. We don’t do this one a lot because of the hecticness of Sundays, but it is fun when it happens.
6. Porch Nights: This one is about to start. We have many single ladies in our church and I love ministering to them, discipling them, and getting to know them. We have a great porch with plenty of room. So, we are having a quarterly theme for the single ladies to get together and hang out – no agenda necessary. We are doing appetizers in August.
This post was meant to be a help to you – to know that you don’t have to have a big house, lots of money, a love for cooking, or home decorating to practice hospitality. I love opening our home to others. And God gives us the command to be hospitable to others! Have fun fulfilling this command!
by Kimberly | Jul 2, 2013 | Books, marriage, Uncategorized
Is the title of the blog news to anyone? Anyone who is married, in a relationship, friends with someone, or even just someone who loves yourself – you know the truth to the title – Loving is Hard.
Loving may not be hard when you look at the way the world defines or acts out love. If you have ever watched an episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette or any other “matchmaking” reality show – you might think that love is all fun, easy, and highly entertaining. But, one thing you would not find much of on these shows is the Biblical definition of love.
Some ladies here in AR this summer are studying a newer Crossway release that I had already read and reviewed but am going back through with some friends. It is a highly convicting read – Phil Ryken’s Loving the Way Jesus Loves – but so good. The point of Ryken’s book is not to put love in a certain category, but make Jesus love applicable to every area of your life. Ryken takes the basic outline and characteristics of 1 Corinthians 13 and puts it in context of the gospels – showing how Jesus fulfilled every one of these characteristics of love.
One of the hardest displays of love is “love is not irritable”. At least it is one of the hardest for me to live every day. One aspect of love that I am working on in our marriage is not giving the silent treatment when I am hurt. I tend to be easily offended (that is the one thing I am often seeking forgiveness for) and my way of dealing with it (sinful way) is the silent treatement. That does nothing for a marriage at all. My rationale for it is I don’t want to say anything in the moment that would hurt worse – but while there is wisdom in it – during my silent time I’m usually becoming more angry rather than praying and seeking God’s wisdom on what to do about the occuring situation.
Jesus has never given me the silent treatment. He listens, talks (through his Word and the Holy Spirit), ever pleads my case to the Father. I need to be more like Jesus – keeping in mind that it isn’t my righteousness at all that makes me look or act or love better – but only having more of the love of Jesus in me – which is all Ryken’s premise in the first place.
Do you find it hard to love? Easy to love? Pick up this book for encouragement and edification in how to love.
by Kimberly | Jun 11, 2013 | marriage
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” – Simone Weil
A friend tweeted this quote last week and I thought immediately of how it should (but often doesn’t) apply to my marriage. In a day filled with multi-tasking and technology and social media – this form of generosity tends to go right out the window.
Here are prime examples from our marriage:
1. Some date nights – I want to bring my phone along to take a picture of the food, make sure the sitter doesn’t have any questions, post what I’m doing, etc. Those might be noble reasons – but what often ends up occurring is I’ll check facebook, answer texts from all sorts of people, and not pay attention to my husband.
2. When my husband is home, often I am on the computer – meaning the iPad. Whether I am playing silly pointless games or writing blogs, I don’t spend enough time just with him.
Do either of these examples sound familiar to you? How can we change it and pay more attention to our marriages?
Solution #1: Leave cell phone in the car or at home. I now always make sure that the sitter has my husband’s cell as well. He doesn’t have a data plan on his phone so he only gets calls and texts. Much better in terms of “emergencies” without distractions. If we are going to a really cool place, then have your husband keep you accountable to taking picture – but posting them later, if that is something you really enjoy doing (like me).
Solution #2: Put down the iPad. Please step away from technology. I have plenty of nap times (for my infant) during the day to get all the blog-writing done that I need to. This week I have a self-imposed book deadline so it is a rarity – and my husband likes what I’m doing.
Solution #3: Set goals for your marriage. We recently talked about this and want to start doing it. So, once a year, probably ear the time we first met (beginning of February) we will seek to go away and have a marriage retreat to talk about the common goals that we have in our marriage for the coming year. The reason we chose this time instead of nearer to our anniversary is our family/life calendars. The fall is a busy time for us: anniversary, 2 birthdays, and my husband is super busy at work preparing for Christmas services. It would be too stressful on us to try to force a time in the fall – so we chose another time. It doesn’t matter what time – but just make sure it is away, without the kids, and overnight, oh – and done. This is going to valuable for us!
Solution #4: Read together. Currently we are reading When Sinners Say I Do with another couple in our church (who have been married much longer than us) and we are reading The Meaning of Marriage before bed on most nights. If we are taking a toad trip – we bring a book along to read in the car (usually me since E does most of the driving).
Solution #5: Go on dates. We started (before kids) with a weekly date night, now we get one about every 3 weeks. That is still better than most. And that is a time we go out and grab dinner or do something fun while someone watches our little one. We are blessed with amazing babysitters who never tire of our sweet boy. Make it a habit to date your spouse!
Solution #6: Don’t overcrowd your schedule. There will be seasons of busyness in your family’s schedule. But, don’t make it a habit. I know around Christmas time, even if we don’t travel, will be extremely busy because my husband is on staff at a church. But, for most weeks, we try to have most evenings at home. We have learned in a short amount of time being married that we need this more than almost anything else. If we go days without being at home with each other in the evenings, we get into arguments or just don’t know what is going on in each other’s lives.
If you want your marriage to not only survive, but also thrive in this culture of skyrocketing divorce rates and meaningless marriages – seek to apply one or more of these solutions.
by Kimberly | Jun 7, 2013 | Books, marriage
Disclaimer: This is a book about sex. There, I said it. My husband even asked me one time as I was talking with him about some of the topics in this book: “What are you reading?” I told him it was a book for wives in sexual relationship with their husbands and only their husbands in a Christian marriage.
Taviano is a wife, mother of three girls, and a writer and blogger. Is That All He Thinks About is a quick but thought provoking read for wives in a married relationship. She discusses many topics and answers that she discovered not only within her life and marriage relationship but also in a survey that she asked to friends. With her findings, she seeks to help women live and live well their husbands in relationship to all things that go on in and outside of the bedroom.
I’m glad that she covers a wide variety of topics, even “taboo” talks that Christian women might not ever dare ask to friends because they don’t want to deal with misplaced shame – and she handles them in a biblical way, citing Scriptures when necessary. If there isn’t a Scripture that deals specifically with a certain topic – than she uses biblical wisdom and other Scriptures and even just common sense or healthy living to come up with her opinions.
There is one problem I have with her book (and many other books on this topic written for women). Many authors make an assumption that all men (or 99%) of them have sex on the brain all the time. In my conversations with women, I don’t find that to be the case. Some I spoke with before getting married myself dispelled that theory quickly. There is one chapter in her entire book that deals with women who want more sex than their husbands and why that is the case, and what you could do. I didn’t find it adequate.
Help women see that they most likely aren’t freaks of nature just because they desire more sexual relationships (not just romantic thoughts) than their husbands and help them deal with the guilt that may accompany that feeling.
Two practical ideas that come from reading this book when issuing it as a recommended read for other women:
1. Read with caution. Don’t take for face value everything she says (or any other author). Think carefully and pray thoroughly through these sensitive topics. Sexuality can make or break a marriage relationship.
2. Talk to your husband. It may be awkward at first, but you can’t just do things that a book says not knowing whether or not your husband is even similar to the men talked about in this (and other) books. Your husband is YOUR husband. The sexual relationship is between you and him. Be honest, share, and grow together – even if you’ve been married 3 months or 25 years.
Thanks Marla for the book!
by Kimberly | May 29, 2013 | marriage, mothering
We have a Tudor style home – one with large peaks on its corner As we were trying to see about getting the siding replaced this past weekend, I realized how I would never want my husband up on that roof. How dangerous would that be.
That brings new light to this Proverb: “Better to live on the corner of a roof, then to share a house with a nagging wife.”
How would you say you are in the nagging area? Nagging can be so much more than just pestering your husband to take out the trash or pick up his socks.
I’ve learned something about this this past weekend as well. My husband can sense when I am upset ( I don’t have a very good poker face), and more times than not he knows why I am down or struggling. We’ve only been married for less than two years, but he knows me well (and sometimes, that’s very scary).
But, I could have either chosen to say something about what it was that was bothering me, and therefore make him feel even worse about said subject, which we’ve had many conversations about – or I could choose to praise him and give thanks to him and shower him with blessings for everything he does for me and how godly of a husband and worship pastor and father he is.
Which do you think is better?
Nagging or praising?
I remember watching the movie classic, If a Man Answers, one in which the MIL wants her daughter to begin treating her husband like a dog to see if his behavior changes any. Most dog owners will tell you that dogs can be trained with rewards, love, scratching behind the ears, etc.
I’m not saying that is the way to go – more than likely – when you start praising your husband, you will find the things you are unhappy about will change or disappear altogether.
The Bible also tells us to speak words or encouragement to those around us, respect our husbands (nagging doesn’t fall in the respect category), and speak well of them to others. If we are constantly nagging or thinking poorly of our husbands, won’t that come out in our speech to others? However, if we are constantly loving our husbands well with our speech, then others will follow suit.
Don’t we want to encourage others to walk in love and good deeds?
And how important are the socks on the floor anyway?
by Kimberly | May 13, 2013 | marriage
What is the biggest influence on your marriage?
For those Christians who are reading this – I’m going to go ahead and assume answer #1 will be individual time in the Word and prayer and the fighting of sin. That’s a given.
Ok – so what is the second biggest influence in your marriage.
As my husband and I have learned in less than two years of marriage (with a 8mo old son and one on the way) – our answer would be SLEEP. Just this week: first two days of the week, little mister was awake several times during the night because of congestion and Mister always gets up with him at night (which is a huge blessing to me). But, that doesn’t give him much sleep to function with. These last two nights, little dude has slept for 12 hours – only waking up once either night. What a blessing. For me, its been warmer in the house this week and we’ve not wanted to turn our air down (saving money), and can’t open our windows because of the pollen, and due to pregnancy I’m both hot and congested. Fun times – but doesn’t allow for much sleep.
When we woke up this morning after about 8 hours of sleep for both of us (we finally turned the air down and Mister had on three layers of clothes to combat the chill), we woke up rested, laughing and tickling the little mister who was overjoyed to start the day. Mister commented how much sleep does us good!
Sleep deprivation (whatever is less than the magic number of hours of sleep you need to feel rested) can harm marriages on a daily basis more than a lot of other factors. Sleep deprivation puts us on edge and we are less likely to think before we speak, be willing to serve, and we are usually more prone to sin when we are sleep deprived.
So, do your marriage a favor: SLEEP!
If it isn’t sleep for you, what is the biggest hindrance in your marriage on a daily basis?
