by Kimberly | Jan 19, 2010 | sin
I love weekend trips that turn into so much more than you ever thought they would be. I was anticipating just a fun, cold weekend in Chicago, a little bit of work, good food, and fun times with Janel. God had other things in mind.
On the drive up (a 5 hour jaunt up 65/94) I could sense the Spirit was doing a work in my life. God has been doing some heart surgery lately in my life – and I anticipate it continuing for the next few months.
I had no traffic until I got about 20 exits away from where I needed to be and STOP. Don’t know what happened but does one ever know what happens to cause traffic jams in the early afternoon of a Saturday? So…I was a little late. Even then God was busy working.
So, I text some friends just to be praying as God was doing his work, and He continued right through the weekend. Janel had the Esther DVD from Beth Moore – I watched a bit of it. Through watching that, reading the end of Deuteronomy and the beginning of Joshua, and talking with a friend who I can be completely real with…two truths about my life came out.
I Fear.
I Fear A LOT!
Beth Moore pretty much said this. If ________, then ___________. Let me fill it in. If I eat too much, then I will gain weight. If I gain weight, then I won’t be cool anymore. If I am not cool anymore, than I will be lonely. You get my drift. She said basically your logic had to be
“If __________, then GOD. It always had to be God in that second blank. If not, then something is amiss.
And that tied into something I heard recently – whatever you fear – that is your god. So, let me do some sentences for you….
I fear getting the dream job, because I fear failing at it (or not being OUTSTANDING at it.
(god = success)
I fear gaining weight, because I won’t be a role model to other girls and I won’t be attractive or be successful in ministry. (god = self image, pride)
I fear rejection by friends, because then that will mean something is wrong with me because they don’t like to be around me anymore. (god = friendships)
I fear never getting married, because someone won’t love me enough, and like me enough, to commit the rest of his life to me. (god = marriage, relationships).
I fear failure, because I have to be good at what I do (god = success).
I fear people getting to know me, because what if they just like me at a distance, then once they get to know me, they don’t like me anymore (god = people, popularity).
Beth said something else. Sometimes we fear not getting married because we don’t want to be alone. But, then we fear marriage because what if we get it and its not as great as we always dreamed or we screw it up somehow? I fear not getting that dream job, then I fear getting it because what if I am not good at it and people don’t like what I do?
Do you hear these statements? Do you see what brought me to tears this weekend?
I trust in other things besides the God of the Universe!
Here are some verses (it is so often used in Scripture):
Numbers 14 – “The Lord is with you, do not fear.”
Dt. 31 – “The Lord will be with you and won’t forsake you, do not fear.”
Ps 118 -“The Lord is on my side, therefore I will not fear.”
Jere 42 – “Do not fear them, declares the Lord, for I am with you.”
Joel 2 – “Fear not, but rejoice and be glad, for the Lord has done great things.”
Matt 10 – “Do not fear those who can kill the body, but cannot kill the soul.”
Heb 13: “The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, for what can man do to me?”
Basically, in my reading….If I trust and obey, if I obey the greatest commandment, then I will not fear. If I am fearing, then I am not obeying. I need to obey.
What do you fear?
by Kimberly | Jan 13, 2010 | sin
Last night, in my reading of the b90x plan, I was in the latter part of Numbers. Now, Numbers isn’t a thrilling book as a whole, but there are definitely nuggets of truth and thought provoking circumstances that God wants us to know to change us – sanctify us – make us more like Him. Here are some of the players:
Nadab and Abihu – dead because of unpleasing worship to the LORD
Moses – leader of the people, but now who can’t enter Canaan because he didn’t listen and fully obey the Lord.
Joshua – the chosen person to lead the people of the Lord into Canaan because the Spirit was in him.
Israelites – punished and wandering for 40 years, current generation not able to go into Promised Land because of sin, angered the Lord because of their idolatry and ungratefulness.
While watching some NCAA hoops last night, I thought of some sports figures who are in the media right now:
Lane Kiffin – after only one disappointing season in the best college football conference, he is now going back to the west coast. 1 season.
Tiger Woods – definitely known for being probably the best modern golfer in the world (note, I said modern). Now, is plastered on every magazine in the checkout aisle because of his unfaithfulness to his wife.
Mark McGwire– fabulous heavy hitter in the Major Leagues for so many years. Kids worshipped him, wanted to be like him in every way. Now, admitting that he cheated and pumped his body full of steroids so he could live up to all the hype.
Some illustrations from people in my own life, of how they live:
2 pastors – known to everyone they meet for their humility – not for books they have written or the church they pastor.
My mentor – known to me as a woman of the Word and prayer.
A former co-worker and (still) friend: one word to describe him: humble.
2 other pastors – I would describe as faithful.
After contemplating this during a run and then journaling about it while watching the Gator game last night, here were my two questions I posed to myself:
1. What do I want to be remembered for?
2. What would they write about me if I was to be included in the SBTS Coffee Table Book?
A friend of mine in Louisville comments that the only things I do are exercise, food, tv, and church. There probably is some reality to that – but that is only a portion of the story. And – do I really want to be known for those 4 things? Goodness – no.
But, then the Spirit stopped me in my writing – my brain continued to function – and said to me this:
Who cares if the world remembers Kim Davidson – you are not important – I am. So, after more reading and journaling:
CS Lewis: Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” I am definitely then one of the most prideful people I know.
Apostle John: “He must increase, I must decrease.” (John 3.3)
I heard a wise man talk on Sunday about finishing well. It must be done. What will your life be marked by?
“Spirit – craft in me less of KD, more of Jesus. Out of the heart – so I do. Work in me Jesus so Jesus can be shown and known in everything I do.” – Amen
by Kimberly | Jan 11, 2010 | sin
Sin. Gotta love it. (Hint sarcasm)
This is where the 3 blogs come together.
I went down to Glendale, KY this past Sunday to hang out with some friends and then listen to my boss speak for an activity at their church.
I had a great breakfast (yogurt, flax seed, pb toast) and then a Clif Nectar bar before church started (I ate early as it was an hour drive). I just didn’t want to be starving by lunch. So, we went to a great Mexican place there that I had been to before – so yummy. Ordered a greasy chicken quesadilla with rice/beans and then devoured the chips and salsa (and queso). That was at 1pm.
Sat in a big chair all afternoon, reading, hanging with kiddos, and talking.
4:45pm – Texas Roadhouse – eating with pastors/friends/families before the event. I should have ordered nothing – but I wasn’t going to do that. I ordered a single chop (grilled porkchop, so good and moist), salad, and fresh veggies. 1 1/2 of their wonderful yeast rolls. By the time I got about 2 bites into the chop, I just knew I couldn’t put anymore in my mouth – no, I did. I ate all but 2 bites of the chop and 3-4 carrots. I looked at the folks around me and just knew I was going to be sick (you know that clammy feeling when you just want to throw up). We got up to leave and I just walked real slow.
By the time we made it to church I was feeling better (I think it was standing up). But, I knew that I had failed again.
I had done no exercise (I chose to sleep in rather than get up and do some yoga). I ate way too much when I wasn’t hungry. I ate out of: free food, good food, gratitude for the free food, didn’t want to stick out and not eat anything, don’t always have chips and salsa, hate leaving food on my plate.
Why do I let my body determine my actions instead of listening to the Spirit and obeying?
Two verses:
1 Cor 6.19-20 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” I know Paul is mostly talking about sexual immorality, but same applies to eating.
Col 3.17 “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” I was so sick I couldn’t give thanks to God for what He had just provided for me. Nope, all I could do was recognize my sin.
