by Kimberly | May 4, 2015 | Books, Coffee with..., Women
One of the women who have shaped my theological thinking and has been a friend to me the last 8 years is Courtney Reissig. I first met Courtney in Louisville when we both worked for deans of the SBTS and had some ministry with CBMW. She then got married and I moved away to Raleigh.
Then I got married, and she moved to Little Rock. Then we moved to Little Rock. Even though we were at separate churches, I was glad to meet up with her every now and then to talk life, marriage, parenting, and ministry.
If I still lived in Little Rock, I would probably pick up some coffee and head on over to their house (about a mile from where we used to live), let our boys play, and share this conversation with her in person. She’s due any day now with another little boy. Since I’m not in Little Rock, I used modern technology and asked her these questions about her new book, The Accidental Feminist, and about coffee. You’ll get a chance to hear how writing this book shaped her heart and family and her relationship with her heavenly Father…and about her coffee direction.
Thanks Courtney.
1. Writing a book is a time-heavy endeavor. How did you manage 2 toddlers, a husband, and serving in your church – while writing a book?
That’s a question I get often. In all honesty it was by the complete grace of God. The prevailing theme in my life as I wrote the book was unexpected weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 was very dear to my heart throughout the entire process. It says:
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I got pregnant halfway through writing the book, sadly it was followed by a pretty complicated miscarriage that seemed to drag on. In God’s kindness, I got pregnant again right as the editing process was starting and was fairly sick through most of the editing. There were many days where I thought I would not be able to get it done, but God was faithful to give me words when I needed to write them, and provide the necessary energy to write and think. Practically speaking, this book has been in my head for a long time, so in a lot of ways it flowed out of me primarily because I had done so much thinking and writing about it before I ever had a book contract. Also, my husband was a tremendous blessing in providing me space and time to write. When I wasn’t pregnant, I would get up early in the morning to write and he would get our boys started with the day. I also did a couple of overnight writing retreats and that really helped with getting large chunks of writing done. For the most part, though, the book was written during nap time and in the early morning hours. I just process better earlier in the day, rather than later.
2. You’ve obviously thought about this topic of feminism much. What is one new thing you learned in your research for this particular book?
I read a book on the history of first wave feminism towards the end of the process and I was struck by how white the early feminist movement was. One of the dividing lines of the early feminist movement was whether or not they would include African-American women’s issues on their platform. Many of them, largely influenced by the spirit of the age, did not see a need to include African-American women in their fight. I had always known that some early feminists, like Margaret Sanger, wanted to eliminate those she saw as unfit for society (like minorities, disabled people, and the poor), but I didn’t know that within the larger movement there was such a lack of minority representation. That was really interesting to me–and of course, really troubling. It showed me that it’s easy to only think in terms of our own culture and context when we apply truths to our lives without looking at people who are different than us and really trying to understand where they are coming from and how our ideas might be interpreted by them or applied differently to their lives.
3. The local church is important in this shaping us to look more like Christ. What is one way that women can be purposeful in their relationships with other women in the church to help each other grow in our womanhood?
I think the primary way woman can be purposeful in their relationships with other women is to take initiative themselves. It’s easy to assume that no one has time for you, or that others aren’t interested in your life, when in reality everyone is waiting for someone to approach them first. I know I do that more often than I should. If we want to see women flourish in their understanding of God and his word and we want to see relationships develop among women, then we have to be willing to make the first move. In my own life, I know my reticence to taking initiative is often owing to fear (which is really pride). I’m afraid of rejection or afraid that the person will think I’m too needy. But I am needy. We all are. We need the body of Christ to encourage each other, fight sin together, and remain steadfast in the faith. One of the encouraging things that I see in the local church today is the desire women have to study God’s word. That is one practical way relationships can be forged, through intentional study of the Bible together. There are many more, of course, but that is the best place to start.
4. How did writing this book shape your relationship with your husband and your children?
That’s a good question. First, with my husband, it really showed me how much he truly supports me. Writing a book is not an isolated effort. Of course, there is a lot of time spent alone as you crank out chapters (which is a challenge for an extrovert like me!), but it’s also about the community that shapes your thoughts. My husband has probably talked more about feminism than he ever thought he would! He is my greatest support, but also my toughest critic. In the early stages of writing, I struggled with his criticism because I took it so personally when he said something didn’t make sense or didn’t sound true. But as we’ve walked through this process together, I’ve learned that because he is my greatest supporter, I can trust his criticism. His critiques are faithful and in my best interest. He’s not out for my evil, but for my good. And he’s a really good editor. If only it didn’t take me so long to appreciate it! With my children, it’s a little different. They are two (and as of right now, my third son is still in utero), so they can’t read yet. But as I researched for the book and learned more about feminism’s influence on men and how our culture perceives them, I became more convinced of the need for understanding the far reaching impact feminism has had on all of us. I want to raise my sons to be men who love God, love and respect women, and love God’s word. That is counter-cultural in a world that expects very little from our men, and it frankly scares me to raise them in a world where they are expected to be either ignorant boys who never grow up or aggressive sexual predators who use women for their own pleasure.
5. What kind of coffee do you drink? Or tea? Maybe more so when you aren’t pregnant.
I do drink coffee. I didn’t drink it during the first 16-17 weeks because I couldn’t stomach anything, especially coffee. But I love coffee in the morning, so I eventually gave in around 20 weeks and started drinking it again. With the twins I didn’t, but since I actually have other kids now I feel like it’s a necessity to function in the morning 🙂 I love Caribou coffee, but we don’t have that here, so I drink the Kroger Columbia blend (to save money). I like it with some milk in it. Since I have gestational diabetes, for a treat, I’ll get a decaf skinny vanilla latte at Starbucks if I’m out for coffee. Normally I get the normal kind. 🙂
by Kimberly | Apr 15, 2015 | Books, Uncategorized, Women
I feel like the title of the book should be a country song – but I won’t venture there.
This is a more serious book with a serious message, not appropriate for a country song.
Megan Cox has become a friend of mine through another friend, and she has such a heart for ministering to women who have come from situations that no woman would desire. She shares much of her story in Give Her Wings, and that is one of the reasons that Give Her Wings is such a powerful book. When women share their story, where God met them, how God brought them new life from death, created a new heart where only death lived, it is a miraculous story.
She shares her story in this book and offers hope and counseling to women who might be struggling in similar situations. She ministers to women with God’s truth on her lips and understanding in her heart. This book speaks of that understanding and also can be used as a guide in how to minister to hurting women.
One of the best things I’ve read in this book is the following:
“Speak God’s truth into her life. She Scriptures that encourage and comfort. Remind her she is not alone. Bless her with the Word. If she heads condemnation, her crisis of faith may very well tip to the wrong direction.” (pg 89)
There is a spot of time that women who are coming out of hurting relationships are open to hearing God’s truth. Relationships can be redeemed by God’s Love and Justice. He can bring healing. And it is books like this that offer that Love, hope, and truth to hurting women.
by Kimberly | Feb 21, 2015 | Books, hearthopejustice, Women, World Events
Sex. God created it. Blessed it. He saw that it was good.
Then sin destroyed it. Sin distorts and kills everything.
There is only one hope for sin: Jesus.
In the Fall, I heard Dr. Albert Mohler give a talk at my church. He shared the trauma and results of living in a sexually-broken world. How far and wide its affects are. This one area touches so many other avenues in the churches, our homes, our societies, and our world.
Allow me to explain what I mean when I say a “sexually-broken”: anything outside of God’s amazing plan for a hope-filled, Christ-exalting sex life within a marriage of two people: a man and a woman, for life. Everything else is sin. And that leads to a sexually-broken world.
This brokenness can come in the form of physical/sexual abuse, pornography, lust, rape, addictions (think 50 Shades of Gray), homosexuality, sex-trafficking, prostitution…the list could go on.
Some of you might not be aware of how pervasive this brokenness is. But, look that the Super Bowl for example: one of the highest profiting days for selling sex.
Some of you might not think that this brokenness affects you. But, I assure it does. Sexual sin affected me starting in college. Not my own, but someone else’s. This still affects my thought life to some degree. Then my own sexual sin left scars of guilt in my heart that I still carry now (and I fight with the truth of forgiveness and the power of the Gospel). You probably know friends who have been raped, abused, who are addicted to pornography, who struggle with lust, who have had sex before marriage, who do not have wonderfully fulfilling sexual relations in marriage, or who bring sexual scars into their marriage and suffer mentally and physically from them.
Now, that we know a little of the problem, how we do fix our sexual-brokenness? Hownestly – we can’t. We need a Fixer. That’s why Jesus came. During His time on earth, he did ministry in the life of at last three women who were sexually broken: Mary Magdelene, the woman at the well in John 4, and the woman who was caught in adultery. His blood on the cross covered all of our sins – not just our sexual sinfulness.
You may be the cause of your own brokenness (your sinful addictions, etc), or the brokenness may come from the outside (rape, abuse, bondage, etc). Once we have that relationship with Jesus, there are a few things that will offer hope in Christ and the Gospel:
- First, if you are in a dangerous, life-threatening, abusive relationships, get help now. Exit the situation. Cry for intervention.
- Realize your own brokenness. This is something that has been helpful for me in the past year: admitting my failures and admitting how I am feeling. Know that sin is sin. If God would mark iniquity who of us could stand (Psalm 130:3)? Here is an example: I am angry or hurt. How often are we encouraged to hide our hurt or made to feel ashamed of it? This admittance is helpful and not a sign of weakness. We can confess our brokenness and engage our feelings with the Lord. The Holy Spirit dwells in us and helps us in our weakness.
- Seek counseling. I personally would recommend a biblical counselor (See ACBC for help). Another go to would be a Christ-exalting pastor/wife you know. One of my sweet friends recently suggested this to me. Find someone whom you can confide and who will weep with you and feed you truth (not let you continue in sin).
- Journal. This is a form of meditation which is definitely recommended from the Psalmists. This has been a huge help to me this year. My friend and also a pastor friend of mine encouraged me in this and it has been a tremendous blessing. The Psalms are a great place to start! There are so many trials, blessings, Godward-cries, even sexual sin in this gem (Psalm 51). Its answers are the very healing words of God.
- Seek repentance. He is faithful to forgive (1 John 1.8) If you are the committing the sexual sin then turn from it. Keep turning from it. My husband mentioned the idea of starving your sinful appetites. They will diminish if you starve them. Satan may have you in a snare but Christ is the chain-breaker.
- Forgive. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Truely forgiving means not holding it against that person for the rest of his/her life. Christ can and wants to bring healing. In the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6), Jesus instructs his followers to pray that God would forgive their debts as we forgive our debtors.
- Believe God at his Word. There is hope! He is the deliverer. He is the chain-breaker. He is the Healer. He wants your good! Love protects. God wins. Heaven is real. You are precious and beautiful and bought with the blood of Christ. I loved this quote in Megan Cox’s book Give Her Wings: “Hard men believe that Jesus is a hard man. Which means they do not really know him. Believe if you know Jesus you understand His mercies.” (p 100)
Please know that there is no easy answer for sexual brokenness. Healing is hard. Jesus brings freedom and healing and hope and love. That doesn’t mean we still don’t live in a sin-plagued world that wreaks of death. We will have the consequences of sin.
Jesus offers hope.
Jesus’ love protects and is faithful.
You can be victorious in Jesus.
(This post is sponsored by heart.hope.justice and Give Her Wings. Megan Cox has just written this new book as a devotional for those who have been affected by abuse. In is she shares her own story, or years of counseling, and Gospel-focused hope. What I found helpful in this book is the Christ-exalting message on so many of its pages. Counseling won’t solve all your problems. Jesus is the answer for everything. heart.hope.justice is a dream of mine. Its partial goal is to bring healing and financial help in the area of sexual brokenness by an artwork that I did – and the proceeds will go to help some sex-trafficking end it movements.)
by Kimberly | Oct 22, 2014 | Books, Women
Our days are so full!
As a Mom of two toddlers – and very active boys at that – I know what full days are. They are fun, encouraging, eventful, demanding, and days filled with laughter. We are always on the go, exploring new parts of our city or heading out to hang out with some friends or go see Daddy at work, or walk along the river or see animals at the zoo. I love cherishing times with my sweet boys.
But, something else I highly look forward to is either the days when they sleep in late and I get up to get some time in the Word in early – or their nap times – so I can again get encouraged by being in the Word.
The new(ish) book by Jen Wilkin, who serves at The Village Church in Texas, helps women with their understanding of how to better study – and fall in love with – the Bible (and more importantly, it’s Author).
I’m thankful for Jen’s organization, gospel-driven remarks, personal history with the Word, and imploring her readers to invest their time in the study of the Word – not just the glancing at it as you go along.
One of the hardest chapters for me to impliment on a daily basis if praying and the word. I love the pray – and have written journals for wives to pray for their husbands, working on a prayer journal for moms to pray for themselves as moms, but really to engage in the word – before, during, and after – by praying. Usually, I approach the Word quickly and haughtily and just start reading. I’m thankful that Jen included this in her book.
“Ask him to make his word come alive for you in such a way that you
know him better and see your own needs of him more clearly.
– Jen Wlkin
If you are looking for a way to learn how to study the book, or need encouragement in how to love the Word – turn to Jen’s book. It is for women, new believers and the believers who’ve known Jesus a while.
by Kimberly | Oct 8, 2014 | Link Love, Women
You know, I started this whole post because of the first link.
Yes, I did.
And hopefully I will be making for Eric to have as his littles and wife leave him next week to visit some friends out of state.
This glazed pumpkin pound cake. Yes please. Maybe he will save me a piece!
Speaking of traveling, my little transportation geek would love this as we make road trips now!
So tempted to make these as one of the three seperate desserts I need to make to celebrate Sebastian’s one year birthday next week.
This is most interesting especially since hearing Christine Caine speak at The Grove last month – has any reformed gospel conservative had any thoughts on this program being started at Liberty?
by Kimberly | Feb 24, 2014 | Books, Women, Women & Books Together
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Here is where she gets into the main point of her book – our position in Christ is one of the most IMPORTANT truths we have to believe as Christians. If we don’t believe this – than our hope is not in the Gospel.
1. God bought us back from our bondage to sin (pg 138) He created us to be in a relationship with Him. Yes we chose and freely choose every day to seek and find comfort in sin rather than seeking Christ. I’ve been focusing on freedom in my life in Christ lately. That focus has led me to think about slavery. Why would a slave, who was freed, return to a harsh master? When there is a joyous Master waiting, why would that slave willingly return to Bondage. Is it because of fear of failure, is it to only stick with what you’ve known. Oh, but the joys of the Father are so much better than the narrow slave relationship and the shackles on your wrist.
2. Every sin that we have ever or will ever commit has already been paid for, not because of our good works or resolution to do better but because we were in Christ when he died in payment for our sin. (pg 139). No matter what sin we ever commit – if we trust and hope and ground ourselves in Christ and his finished work on the cross – that sin is paid for. It doesn’t make it any less heinous of a sin – or less hurtful to God – but it is paid for. Jesus Paid it All – is true – ALL! All is a great term. It is a comforting word. Let’s believe it! Don’t live in shame and don’t keep sinning.
3. I think this statement needs to be preached to every single woman in all of our lives: churched, unchurched, saved, lost, etc. Read this: Believe it. Preach it. Allow the hope to sink in! “We now stand before God alive, not dead, cleansed, not vile, whole, not shattered, and welcomed, not sent away. We stand in complete righteousness and holiness no longer dead in our trespasses but completely and eternally alive in him.” (pg 140) How can we lead ourselves and the ladies we minister to to believe this and walk in this truth?
4. We have been given Christ’s perfect record of always having obeyed, and second, we have been given a new heart, a heart like his, one that desires to obey out of love. (pg 143). If we tell ourselves or tell others that we obey out of law – than we are leading them astray. The only thing the law does, or legalism, is to prove that we are sinners. We will fail. And mostly likely we will live in that failure and continue the cycle of trying and failing, trying and failing.
This is a pivotal chapter in how we counsel our own souls and how we counsel other women. We can’t let them believe the lies that the enemy tells them – that they have to be perfect – that we have to be perfect. We will never measure up. But – we have and serve and love and our loved by one who measured up perfectly. Let’s always tell our women that truth!
