by Kimberly | May 10, 2012 | Uncategorized, Women
With all this political talk this week – that I am sure will continue and clog up social media from now until the end of January 2013 – don’t worry – this post has nothing to do with politics.
One of my sin problems I dealt with as I got older and remained single was my pride in my independence. I would say all the time “I love being single! I can come and go whenever I want, spend my money, cook whatever I want, etc. I worried about me.” I was so independent. That is actually one of the things that people in my life told me would be the hardest for me and would make marriage very hard: my independent spirit. I won’t say that the transition to married life and being in close relationship with someone else, especially my spiritual head, leader of our home, hasn’t been tough some days – but God has been very gracious.
One way I see that I still need work is when I am trying to solve problems, fix things, live the “spiritual” life on my own. I can be dependent on my sweet (yet human) husband, but I find far too often I live my life independent of God. I got this reality check when I met a sweet, decade+ friend for breakfast recently. She is also a pastor’s wife; so there are similar struggles with life in the ministry and marriage. I slid into the booth at Panera, looked at her, and said, “Ok, I need some honest wisdom. How did you do ____________?”
This was her answer: “I prayed. Some days all I could do was sit on the couch with my Bible and read. I had to depend on God.” That was definitely my takeaway from that time with her and I’m thankful that God used the Spirit in her life and her experience to convict me of sin in my own heart.
So, as I’ve been thinking about what this might look like as I continue going down this road of marriage and the Christian life, here are some thoughts:
1. God is most glorified in us when we are most dependent on Him. Yes, I stole the title from this blog post from the Resurgence. So good! Please read it. God wants to be glorified in our lives and will be when we place all of our hope and trust and dependence on Him.
2. I can’t make it every day without Him. I am realizing that with my new role as a mother of a little boy and a wife to an amazing, godly man – that I can’t just live life on my own. I need God to direct my words, be in my actions every day, force me to put a smile on my face when I may not feel like it, worship even when there is “pain in the offering”, be steadily rejoicing and counting the trials as joy (James 1).
3. God is good and can be fully leaned on. E will not always be there for me. I am going to the mountains for 4 days with a friend in 2 weeks and I can’t bear the thought of being without my hubs for that long. Thank goodness for cell phones and facetime. I don’t look forward to not being able to wake up with him in the morning or talk about our days at the time when we crawl into bed. But, without E with me, God will still be with me. He is always with me. He is dependable. The Psalmists talked about this often and I love reading these when I am tempted to lean on anything but God:
Psalm 66:5 Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.
Psalm 59:9-10a O my Strength, I will watch for you, for you, O God, are my fortress. My God in his steadfast love will meet me.
As single women – don’t get too stuck in your independence that you are afraid to trust your heart to the one kind, gentle, masculine man that loves Jesus and that God has created for you. Wives, don’t fully depend on your husband for everything you need and forget God. I’ve learned (am learning) both. God is gracious.
by Kimberly | Apr 16, 2012 | Bible, marriage, mothering, Women
“So train the young women to love their husbands and children.” – (Titus 2:4 ESV)
I learned this very well from my mentor, Phyllis, through the years as I’ve watched her diligently and passionately pray for her husband and children, and their spouses, and now her grandchildren. As I’ve started my own for my husband, and now my Baby Boy Campbell coming in September, I wanted to share some thoughts and how-tos that I’ve learned from her over the almost 20 years of knowing her.
1. Get paper. I remember after my second date with my husband, I went to B&N later that night and got a moleskin notebook and started journaling and praying for him, knowing one day I would give it to him at our wedding. And I did. He is reading through it now. But, really, ladies…you don’t need a moleskin or fancy notebook. You can use a journaling Bible (like this one from Crossway) and journal through your reading in there or just grab some loose-leaf paper and stick it in a folder (like we did back in high school, before everything needed to be turned through a computer). The paper doesn’t matter, the action does.
2. Get a pen/pencil/crayon. I have tried to steer away from pens that will bleed through the pages of my moleskin (almost done with #2 right now) but sometimes a bleed pen is the only one around. I would also challenge you to get a real pen and paper (not a computer) because you’ll be able to cherish these notebooks for years to come and your children and husband can read them as well! I know we are a techno world now, but I truly believe that some things are better hand-written.
3. Get a Bible. One of the MUSTS for this type of praying is that you pray Scripture over your spouse/children. What Phyllis taught me is that I don’t need books or even to be really creative, I just need God’s Word. She trusts in its sufficiency, and so do I. You don’t have to start a new reading plan – just read. If you want to, start with the Psalms, or one of Paul’s epistles or (gasp!) even the book of Deuteronomy. Pray these Scriptures for your husband/children. Here is an example from Psalm 112:
Praise the LORD!
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who greatly delights in his commandments!
His offspring will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.
Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
who conducts his affairs with justice.
For the righteous will never be moved;
he will be remembered forever.
He is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
(Psalm 112:1-8 ESV)
“Father, I praise you and thank you that you have given me a Psalm 112 husband. Thank you for answering that prayer. I thank you that E fears you more than he fears man and that he takes great delight in your word each morning, even as we are going through James this year as a couple. I pray that our children, even this little one in my tummy right now, will be blessed to follow and know you and dwell richly and mightily in the land as they seek you wholeheartedly because of your grace and the display of faithfulness of their earthly Father (all because of grace). Thank you for allowing my E to show me grace and mercy when I fail, and fail miserably at times. Thank you also that he pursues you and righteousness. Continue to weigh in his heart and his actions so that they might please you. I praise YOU that E is a generous man who does not hoard the money that you have blessed us with but wants our giving and our home to be a place of blessing for others. May we continue to live in that way. I pray Lord, that even in difficult times, that you would make his heart strong and firm in you – knowing that you never change and that you will lead him in righteousness (Psalm 23). Do not let him coward and be afraid, but be bold and know that you are God until the day that you make him triumph over his enemies for the glory of God in the world.”
And you can take the same chapter and pray it for your children, as I will for baby Campbell.
4. Pray. I know this may seem like the easiest one to do, and I do pray for E all the time and pray for baby Campbell as well (honestly mostly in the shower), but do this. I remember living for a time with my mentor and her family. I remember waking up early in the morning and walking downstairs, and Phyllis had already been there for hours praying and reading for her soul and the soul of her family. This was such a testimony to me. I fail in this so much. I need more grace to make it happen and to make it a glorious habit.
5. Save. Save your journals. I will save mine. Got an email from Phyllis this morning even that she has bookshelves and a chest full of these journals. What a legacy for your children and spouse as they see a wife/mother who first loved Jesus then prayed and loved them as well all the days of her life.
6. Side note: I sometimes read these journals to E as a way to encourage him. I let him read the first one (I gave it to him before our wedding). I use it as part journal of our marriage too. So for part of the journal I’m talking to God and part of it I’m talking to E, or baby Campbell in his. I’ve already seen how encouraging this can be and how much fruit can be harvested from this daily duty of delight (see John Piper).
PS…You can definitely read through books and pray those for your husband or children. I remember reading through A Guide to Biblical Manhood written by SBTS profs Dan Dumas and Randy Stinson and praying through those traits for E before we got married. By all means, use other things, but let Scripture be your guiding principle!
May I encourage you to begin today to be a wife and/or mother who lives by prayer and the Word of God. We fail miserably without them both. Thankful the Holy Spirit works His Word in us and shapes and fashions us according to His Plan and for His glory!
Phyllis – thank you for praying for Billy, Jeremy/Katie, Jill/Matt and all your beautiful grandchildren – and for me. You have truly been a Scriptural blessing in my life and continue to be so! Proverbs 31 by grace, you are! And if you have anything you would like to add Phyllis, please add it in the comments: I still have much to learn!
by Kimberly | Nov 29, 2011 | Women
What I want to do with this blog post: encourage those who encourage me. Help you to see that there are many ways out there to be a P31 woman – not just in our typical run of the mill ways.
What I don’t want to do with this blog post: give all the glory to these people (because none of these people would say their lives are about them) and also not to give the rest of us a “busyness” mentality or that we have failed if we don’t do some of these things. This is the one my husband has to remind me of often and where I struggle with the most. As a friend of mine says, “Here’s what I don’t do so that I can do what I do.”
Here’s what to do with this post: be encouraged. Especially with the new year coming quickly – pray about areas of growth or new goals for your life. Pray with wise women around you. If you are married: seek your husband’s advice and counsel on this, as well as asking other women.
So, here we go (and these are in no particular order)
Women who INSPIRE me and why:
Leah Finn: because she loves her family and seeks to serve them above doing anything else. In doing this: she is ultra creative and crafty. But, even besides this she is hospitable and giving. Finn definitely married himself a P31 woman. And she is so real with me and never lets on that she has everything together. She desperately knows her need for the Gospel!
Janel Blanchard/Rebecca Horton: These two girls I met when they were both students at Carolina (THE Carolina). Now, one is in Chicago and one is in Savannah. These are my two that challenge me to engage the world, engage the lost in the art/culture/theology/thiking world. They do so with not knowing all the answers, but trusting that God will use the gifts He has given each of them to make a difference in the world for Him! I love these girls.
Karisse Schilling: A friend from college. She has beaten death – meaning God has shown her great mercy in sparing her life from bouts with cancer over several years, almost a decade probably. She faces death head on, she believes God for BIG things. She teaches me to live life to the fullest, live out the Gospel to the hurting, and ask God for BIG GIGANTIC THINGS. I need to pray more like this. I think I’m afraid that I’ll get my heart so set on the answer that if I don’t get it – I’ll be hurt. That is wrong for two reasons: DOUBT and putting my hope and trust in the gift rather than the Giver.
Laura Williams: She is maybe the craftiest person I know with doing things with her hands: she cooks wonderfully, is known for her brilliant creative cards that are featured in so many of the card making books out there (that you find at Michael’s and places like that). She loves her family as well. She has two young boys and she is skilled at art and photography and uses those skills to make their lives more fun. Eric – you got a great wife!
Christi Davis: My pastor’s wife and friend. She is a mother to five ranging from college age to kindergarten (about). She is concerned about her husband, her family, and her home. That is her primary domain. But, she opens her mouth and she speaks in wisdom and kindness (see Proverbs 31). I’m so grateful to have her in my life and I look forward to all that God will show me through her.
I could go on – but these are the ones I wanted to mention today. I’m challenged by these women to:
Live out the gospel and their need of it.
Engage the world around them.
Know their primary domain and be ecstatic about that – and do it well
Use the creative gifts that God has given them and enjoy it
Pray Big!
by Kimberly | Nov 15, 2011 | Books, Women
A retired soccer coach talks to women. It was a pep talk, a halftime hoorah speech.
Mark Chanski spoke last night at Mount Hermon Missionary Baptist Church in Rocky Mount, NC. I went to hear him after reading some of both of his books, Manly Dominion and Womanly Dominion during my years at SBTS. I also wanted to go because I’ve recently been married so I wanted to be encouraged in my now-role as wife and helpmeet.
Mark Chanski is a husband, father, and pastor in Holland, MI. He writes from three decades worth of husband-experience and shares his discernments from God’s Word in both of his books.
1. Play Your Position
2. Win It!
Those were both of his exhortations to us ladies (ranging from 11-80ish). (Side note: I was very thankful to see females from every age group. True Titus 2 living!) Pastor Mark would spend the next 45 minutes broadening his meaning of these two coach’s screams.
Womanly Dominion Culturally Challenged.
The Word of God is true and unchanging, living and active. So, why would we think God’s commands and prescriptions for us as females would not come under attack by a world that doesn’t consider truth to be absolute? The serpent under-minded God’s spoken word in Genesis when he confronted Eve’s understanding of God’s goodness. The serpent still undermines God’s truth today. But, God’s Word stands firm and will never fail.
The culture around us wants to challenge our personal intensity. No matter the age – we will be bombarded with problems in this area:
In high school, we will be challenge by either extreme: set our minds and focus on the best GPA possible (at the cost of all other objectives) or to slouch and not do our best. We will be tempted to not pursue callings and gifts that we have because the world will tell us that they are not a worthy cause.
In college, we may be tempted by a professor to pursue a PhD (which is not evil in its own merit) to the dismissal of marriage, which is obviously a patriachal institution.
As single women, we will be tempted to go forward in relationships that aren’t pleasing to the Lord or to be the pursuer in relationships – not willing to wait on God’s perfect timing in His giving us all good gifts (Romans 8:32).
As married women, we will be tempted to run hard after everything we can, forgetting we are called to be a helper suitable to our mates, a wife of a husband. We will be tempted to have our homes live up to the latest Pinterest home or Pottery Barn catalogue.
Chanski encouraged us no matter the assignment in life – to be tough minded, sober-minded in that and fulfill our assignment with excellence.
We will also hear the world questioning the positional authority God has given to us. We need to be firm where God has assigned us and not let the world and all of its lies lead us astray. God has called each of us to where we are. It might change (like mine just did, more on that later), but God never changes. Listen for His voice.
Womanly Dominion Scripturally Expounded. Mark stayed in two verses for the evening: Genesis 1:27-28.
Domination. Since we have been created in the image of God, that is a given statement, we are to be like him. In these verses, we are to be like him in our “bringing into bondage” the earth. Subdue the earth, work the earth. Before God spoke the world into creation – the earth was without form and void. Since creation, it has order and design. We are to not let our “given assignments” be chaotic or out of control. That is not how we are to be like God, mirroring and imaging our Creator.
Procreation. Through childbearing – we women (men can’t have babies, deliver babies – though we need them in the process) – we get to participate in salvation. We get to have children that will help populate the earth who will be part of the throng around the throne from every tribe, tongue, and nation. After the Fall, Eve’s “punishment” came in the form of pain during childbearing. I was reading this morning that even though there is pain, motherhood is still worth it (and I’m looking forward to having the opportunity one day). In the focal verses: we are giving the command and sacred focus on filling the earth. What questions does that raise? How many childrend should one couple have? Should you/must you adopt? What about sexual protection from pregnancy or medical help to seek out infertitlity. This one verse touches on so many familial and birth ethics in today’s society.
Position. Chanski affirmed our sameness in essence with men. We are not higher or lower – we have just been given a different position. He spoke briefly on the Trinity and how their positions in the Godhead give us great insight into our position as women – same in being, different in position. To see more on that topic, see Bruce Ware’s book: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. We are not to be androginous which society would like us to lean toward: women in battle, women playing men’s sports, men wearing skinny jeans or wearing earrings, parents raising their children “sexless” until they can determine what they want to be. We see it. This denial of the truth of sexuality. There is diversity in function in the created sexual genders. God has a beautiful plan for males and females. He does all for His glory.
So, in a nut shell: know and play your position. Don’t assume your position. Know it. Trust it. Make sure it lines up with the Word of God. Then, play your position with all your might as unto the Lord and not unto men.
Here are my take home moments. My encouragement from my husband was to listen for the Shepherd’s voice.
1. Assignment. As we have been studying 1 Corinthians 7 this week in home fellowship group, I have been thinking about my current assignment. It has changed. I am not a wife, a helper (hopefully) suitable to E. That is my primary role that God has given me. How is it different from being a single living to the glory of God. Being a wife living for the glory of God is quite different. My brain goes a million miles a minute imagining the judgment and expectations from those around me. I need to listen to the Word, listen to E, and listen to wise counsel around me (and not the voices in my head).
2. A new book that I’ll be reading is Excellence by Kostenberger. I’m very much looking forward to the hard read. And that was Chanski’s whole entire second point – Win it! Play your position with excellence. So…how do I keep my home with excellence? How do I love and serve my husband with excellence? How will my relationships with friends change but still be lived with excellence?
3. My only caution: women – don’t focus too much on the domination. When I think of the word domination I think of ego, power, complete control, mean-spirited, take over. While E has given me “domination” over the keep of the home (meaning, he tells me the home is my domain), he is meaning that to be a blessing. So, while I have complete “domination” over the menu each week, that doesn’t mean I should fail to get his imput. That domination needs to still be lived out under our husband’s authority and the grace of God.
Play your position and win it!
by Kimberly | Sep 13, 2011 | Bible, Books, Women
Are your quiet times ever dry?
Do you feel like the Bible should be more nourishing to you than what you are currently receiving?
Do you need some “juice” to get your daily walk with God into a run?
My friend Lara and her writing partner and friend, Katie, have written a helpful and readable e-book to help answer these such questions. There are times when every woman feels like that their quiet times just aren’t what they should be. Maybe you are a mother of young children and its hard for you to even get in 5 minutes a day (while you are taking a shower, usually). Or maybe you a mom of teenagers and you pray for them constantly. Maybe you are married and you find your role as a wife to be overwhelming. Maybe you are single and you are looking for direction.
God’s Word has the answers to all of these life situations and you CAN get the most out of God’s Word. God’s Word is sufficient for all your needs and His Word is true.
Maybe, you are reading this, and you’ve never had a quiet time. You don’t know how. Katie and Lara address this issue – then take that deeper. Its not just a scheduling how-to, its a heart how-to. So, this book is good for you – wherever you are in your journey with Christ.
Hear these words: “I wake up wanting to hold the reigns of control and set my agenda. Before my feet hit the floor my mind takes off. I have to start the day low. I am the needy one – empty-handed and thirsty for His presence. I arise from my slumber into His day – His plan. I’m the one who slept all night while He never wearied.”
Ladies – this book has great insight, honest feelings, and great resources to help you journey on and savor the Living Water of Christ through the Words of the Bible.
Savor. Win a free e-copy of this by leaving a comment about your favorite Bible verse and what it means to you! Thanks Lara and Katie!
by Kimberly | Jul 25, 2011 | Books, Women
I think that may be my strangest title yet for a blog post. But, hear me out.
I had the privilege of working for one of the authors of this book for almost 3 years. During those years, I heard him give many session talks at conferences and then got to transcribe those talks. This helped me remember them and learn them and pray for my future husband. Dr. Stinson not only can teach these principles and lifestyles, but he really does live them out.
The Guide to Biblical Manhood is based on a class that he and Dan Dumas taught together at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. We had begged Dr. S to teach this class for a while, so I’m grateful that they put it in the lineup. I hope every male student at SBTS is required to take this class. Not only does it go through general concepts which apply to all men: but then they break the book down into sections for husbands, fathers, and pastors. And not all of this book has to do with baseball and hunting – though that is definitely included! I laughed aloud reading some of the illustrations because I could hear my boss saying them or knew them definitely to be true. I’m thankful for godly, wise, “older” men in my life, like Dr. Stinson and Dan Dumas, who live out what they teach.
Anyway, so why did I read it? Well, when I saw it come across Kindle for cheap, I one-clicked it. I wanted to read it to know how to pray for my now-known future husband.
Here are some principles if you are going to do what I did:
1. Pray: Don’t NAG. If you are going to read this and pray these traits for your husband/future husband – then pray, don’t nag. Many women are very good at nagging about one thing or another. Men usually don’t respond well to nagging. But, pray the Holy Spirit would be the agent of change in your spouse’s life and heart.
2. Encourage. If you see a trait that your husband lives out very well – thank him for it. Bless him – be a blessing in his life by affirming God-type things in his life. If he plans a date night (which this book suggests), don’t gripe because its not your idea of a romantic evening – give him kudos for planning a great night for the two of you. If he leads in saying prayer at night for the family – don’t fuss because it doesn’t work into your time schedule. Stop what you are doing and make prayer a priority.
3. Pray for yourself too. Pray that you would respond graciously and kindly to these attributes in your husband. Just as Genesis 3 talks about the woman wanting to gain control in the relationship with her husband…we need to be on guard against the sin of wanting to be in control.
Since I bought this book on Kindle, I don’t have page numbers – and there are too many quotes I “underlined”, but here are a few of my favorites:
“We need men who will shoulder the weight of manhood as God designed it, who will live it out day to day but will incline their manhood toward the Gospel.”
“The pattern and order of creation set in these chapters is for me to bear the authority and responsibility of leadership. And that hasn’t changed. If you’re a man, it’s not optional to be a leader.”
“The man will take the initiative to leave his family and go create a new family. And men have to lead in the initiation because once they form a family, they are responsible to lead the whole thing.”
As I talked a few times with Dr. Stinson about being single and wanting a man who was a leader, provider, and protector – his word of caution to me was that I can’t expect men who have been single their entire lives to be perfect at these three things. But, they all need to be pursuing these three traits – and the Gospel. I am grateful for the man that God provided me with. With God’s help – he is a tremendous leader, provider, and protector.
Thanks Dr. Stinson and Dan. I appreciate the time and candidness with which you both wrote this and taught this. I’m excited to see how marriages will change because of this little book.
