by Kimberly | Jul 13, 2011 | Women
Wow – this one was convicting. Jeff Pollard is an Elder at a church in Pensacola, FL and did a great job in defining the term “modesty” beyond – what you wear or don’t wear on your body.
“Modesty, like humility, is the opposite of boldness or arrogance. It does not seek to draw attention to itself or to show off in an unseemly way. Webster apparently links chastity with modesty because chastity means moral purity in thought and conduct. Moral purity, like humility, will not exhibit sensuality any more than ostentation.”
Modsty is not first an issue in clothing – it takes root much deeper – in the heart. And that is the hardest part to attack. It is easy to change your wardrobe, but it takes a work of the Spirit to change the heart.
Here is a fun thought/not so fun thought:
My wedding: I want to have fun crazy shoes for the dress instead of traditional white. Why? Because I want fun shoes. I like shoes. Why not? Not many people will see them anyway. Not so fun thought: I want people to notice me, I want to display my sense of shoe style. Why? Inner struggle. God to help!
“Where ambition reigns within, there will be no modesty in the outward dress.” I think of this mostly with two things: women who are trying to scale the corporate ladder by wearing tight pencil skirts and point high heeled shoes, or women who are doing the pursuing in a relationship. I know those are two broad stereotypes, but they are somewhat accurate worldly portrayals.
Shamefacedness – not a word we use all the time – not is it really a word I want to use all the time. This is how George Knight writes about it in his Pastoral Epistles commentary: “a moral feeling, reverence, awe, respect for the feeling or opinion of others or for one’s own conscience.” So, I might dislike the word, but love what it means. Do you live your life in wanting to honor Christ – and honor the other person. Romans tells us to outdo one another in showing honor. Ladies – this comes in the way we dress and carry ourselves. I am hopefully honoring my fiance’ when I choose to dress modestly instead of wearing clothes I shouldn’t or acting in a way I shouldn’t – just to entice him to sin. I want to help him, and other brothers in Christ – to seek Christ, pursue holiness – not cause them to stumble.
“Christian modesty is the inner self-government, rooted in a proper understanding of one’s self before God, which outwardly displays itself in humility and purity from a genuine love for Jesus Christ, rather than in self-glorification or self-advertisement.” I loved this. Also most convicting. This goes way beyond what we wear: it goes to our motivation for always buying new clothes, wearing the latest styles, or being so out of style that you draw attention to yourself, or wearing dresses down to your ankles just to be “modest”. It is all a matter of the heart.
So…how do you guard your heart: (by resting in Christ) – Phil 4, Prov 4,
How do you honor your brothers or husbands?
And – how do your stylish, pretty clothes say: purity, humility, and moderation?
by Kimberly | May 18, 2011 | Women
I know, odd post title. Hear me out.
A few weekends ago I got a chance to sit in my favorite coffee shop (EVER. – well, at least so far) with a friend. Just sitting there, enjoying life. Journaling, sipping, talking, reading. I was doing some people watching (ok, I was eavesdropping on a conversation). This is what is so fabulous about coffee shops (and the Red Vanilla Chai Latte that was I sipping on that can only be found in Quills in Louisville).
So…I desire and digress…back to the conversation at hand.
The conversation was between two twenty-something women. Both cool Louisvillians who seemed like everyone else in Louisville. You know the cool Sojourn-esque artist, type look I’m talking about. Anyway…
One of them said to the other: “I used to think that wanting a man to lead in a relationship was great. Then I grew up. Then I matured. Now I don’t mind taking the lead and asserting myself. Why did I ever think that was wrong?”
BECAUSE IT IS! I really contained myself, grabbed my moleskin, and jotted it down. But, seriously, my heart broke for this young lady.
That is what our world trains women to think: that submission (to our husbands) is demeaning, immature, uncreative, death, borderline abuse, etc). When in reality – submission to Christ is the safest place we can be. And if God has supplied us with a husband – then that should be a joy to serve and submit joyfully and respectfully to them.
Instead, what I heard from this young lady is that the more mature I’ve gotten the more I want to be independent, free from constraint, in charge of my whole world, not wanting to submit to anyone but me. Well, that my friend, is a lie straight from Satan himself and one that is so harmful to a generation of ladies. But, seriously, it can affect all ladies at one time or another if we are unfamiliar to the truths of God’s Word or unwilling to live by those Words of Life.
Ephesians 5:20-24: “Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything.”
And ultimately, if women are not willing to be lead and submit to their own husbands: then their problem isn’t with their husbands: it is usually more of a problem with their relationship with Christ. He has all authority (Matthew 28, Colossians 1).
So, dear Quills’ ladies: I pray that you will find rest and wisdom and trust and submission and ease of command in Christ. That He would be your all. That you would seek life and fulfillment and security there. That you would not feel the need to assert and lead. That Christ would be the head of your life, your soul, your mind, and your body. Your eternity depends on how Christ took the low place, served, and gave Himself a ransom for many.
Sincerely, Quill’s Red Vanilla Chai Latter Drinker, kim
by Kimberly | Apr 5, 2011 | Women
One of the lines that I have heard recently is Ellen saying “gender doesn’t matter.” She of course is married to Portia DiRossi and have been touted as the couple for the new millinium. Not a millinium I want to be a part of. She may not think that gender matters, but I would like to assure her that it does.
She has no doubt that both her and Portia are female. They cannot partake in normal sexual relations as God designed sex to be between a husband and a wife. One wears dresses, one doesn’t. She sells makeup (as a spokesperson) for a leading makeup company – who sells makeup to clients – mostly who are women.
The latest trend in Hollywood according to CNN is Flexisexuality. Huh? (I would advise only watching the video if you are mature enough to handle the topic at hand.)
“You know, its 2011.”. I know many of the people who I am friends with on facebook are enamored with Grey’s Anatomy. They support this, many of the stars and songs and movies that are coming out now approach this type of lifestyle with great enthusiasm
Basically, what I hear, is that we don’t want to live within any norms by understanding how God made us, what God made us for, and who God made us to enjoy sexually (our spouses in a lifelong, male/female, God-centered marriage).
I assure you: gender DOES matter. This video above and what I see happening in our world and what our world portrays as norm grieves me.
1. God, who is the Creator of the World, designed gender. He created male. He created female. They were both created in the image of God the Creator. Praise Jesus we are not are men; and praise Jesus we are not all women.
2. Genders display the beauty of God. God does everything to display His glory in the world. Male and female do that. Marital, faithful, sexual relationships are beautiful (and babies are so darn cute) and just the way He created the complementary physical bodies of males and females are beauty that we need to turn back to praise God, not bring praise to man.
3. Gender matters in everyday life. I really think the Bible speaks to this as well. Throughour Scripture we are told of men working in the fields as providers and women providing a nurturing home environment. Look at Genesis 2, Prov 31, Ruth, Titus 2. Lately women ask me or we have a conversation about what it is like being single. While I love where God has me in life, it is burdensom in ways other than being lonely. Loneliness is of course something you learn to deal with. God has created us to be in relationships with others. I am thankful for the friends that God has placed around me. But, the other burdensome part of being single is: scraping your own car, paying all the bills yourself, being concerned with your month to month running of the house, worrying about the car, opening the jar of pickles, what happens if something starts leaking. All these little things. While taking out the trash is not gender specific by any means – the burden of living life on one’s own…
How will you choose to live in freedom by living according to the restrictions that God gave to us in His Word?
How will you display this in your relationships of the opposite sex?
How will you:
1. If you are female: adorn the gospel and be distinct from the world?
2. If you are male: lead lives of humility and servant leadership and masculinity with the strength of Jesus.
For the Gospel –
by Kimberly | Feb 24, 2011 | Bible, Books, Women
You know some of those statements that are said to you at a point in your life that stick with you? Whether they be good or bad, you always remember them? Those cutting words, those words of joy and praise, those wounding words. Well, about 10 years ago I heard some words spoken to me that have been cutting ever since. Not all the time, but at certain moments I remember them, and God at least allows me to use them for my good now instead of my harm.
Those words were: “Kim, one thing you are not is a gentle and quiet spirit.” Ok – now. After reading that, think through it biblically – where that is one thing Scripture commands women after God’s own heart – for them to be gentle and quiet. This probably is in the top 3 statements that have hurt me over the course of my life.
So, how is God using this statement even today. He grows me. He strengthens me. He enables me to not let that statement have control and wounding power over me, but allows me to use that statement for His glory by allowing the Spirit to sanctify my heart and spirit.
Am I there yet? Good gracious, no. But, here are some thoughts I read this morning on the subject by my favorite author, Jerry Bridges.
In The Practice of Godliness, Bridges talks about gentleness as being a person where people find rest. Basically, do people find rest in your presence or not? As I even wrote last week that I want my home to be a place of rest for people, a place of quiet and enjoyment for people, I also want my presence to be that way. When people are around me, when they leave me – who are they? Are they rested? Are they encouraged? Are they pointing more to Christ than they were before they got to me? Do I press them into the gospel or do I drag them away from the gospel with my spirit?
“Christ’s whole demeanor was such that people were often restful in His presence. This effect is another outworking of the grace of gentleness. People are at rest, or at east, around the Christian who is truly gentle.”
“George Bethune said, ‘Perhaps no grace is less prayed for, or less cultivated than gentleness. Indeed it is considered rather as belonging to natural disposition or external manners, than as a Christian virtue, and seldom do we reflect that not to be gentle is isn.”
Gentleness is a gift of the Spirit – it is not a personality trait. we are giving these and therefore should back away from sin in order to manifest these. We quench the Spirit when we do not manifest gentleness.
Style…clothing…accessories…I read many blogs. But, how often do I stop to think about “clothing myself with gentleness.” (Col 3.12). When I awake in the morning I’ve usually at least pondered my outfit for the day – but have I thought about how I’m going to display gentleness with the people I deal with and meet that day? Usually I’ll answer that question – no.
How does being around gentle people affect me? I can think of a men and women in my life who display a great deal of gentleness and kindness. I LOVE being around them. I come away from them rested, more joyful, and relaxed. Not busy. Not hurried. I love that. That is what I crave and desire. I desire rest and ease in relationships. Comfort, gentleness, kindness. Me being around those type of people makes me want to be that way.
So, I should study Christ more. I should study and see how Christ is gentle. Jesus gives rest. I want to be like him in my relationships. Thankful for people in my life who manifest already (though imperfectly) the gentleness of Christ. I am grateful that you are pouring out that grace in my life. For however long I know you – know that you have invested in my life.
You take wounds: and make them whole. That is the salve of Christ and His Word and His covering with His own precious blood shed on Calvary for me.
“The Christian who truly seeks to obey God through gentle character will actively pursue gentleness, striving to close himself with it. He will place this godly virtue high on his list of spiritual traits and LOOK TO GOD the HOLY SPIRIT to PRODUCE this fruit in his life. We should also ask the Holy Spirit to make us aware of specific situations in which we fail to act with gentleness and considerateness. Only then will we be driven to pray fervently for the grace of gentleness.”
What books have you read on gentleness that you think would be good to offer for the discussion?
by Kimberly | Jan 6, 2011 | Books, Women
Finally getting around to bringing over more of the old posts. Many of you have not been reading this since 2008, so this gives you a glimpse into what was going on on the blog back then. Enjoy.
Hungry Adulterers: Thoughts on a JD Greear sermon
My Favorite Chili
My Go-To hummus recipe
Ruth – A review on quite possibly my favorite commentary ever
Ode to the Oreo (go with it, really)
Sacred Influence – one of my top 5 books every wife (or woman preparing to be married, or any female for that matter), must read.
When Sinners Say I Do – my top recommendation for all engaged/married couples
Some books are worth just their forward – but this book has a great forward and is a good read:
Easy Cobbler recipe
Interesting that in May of 2008, I read his book – now I work for the man. Great boss. If you are a youth pastor or pastor, read this book.
Do you like strawberries – you’ll love this!
My favorite Jerry Bridges book, and I loaned it out and never got it back…hmmm…
Man, has it really been this long ago that I read and loved this book?
My favorite Ed Welch book – to date.
I’m really glad my photography has improved, but this trifle is amazing
Gender-Roles, Pre-Marriage
Great winter, holiday, special salad
by Kimberly | Jan 5, 2011 | Bible, Books, Women
My friend, John Starke, who serves at The Gospel Coalition, wrote this article as a response to a book review of How I Changed My Mine about Women in Leadership. I wholeheartedly agree with everything John said (as I knew I would), but wanted to elaborate on some of his points and maybe state things from a women’s POV who is in full-time ministry.
Disclaimer: Some may say that the “women in ministry” issue isn’t really timely. I do not find that to be a valid argument. Anytime we have failing marriages, dysfunctional churches, and church leadership teams that aren’t biblical, then it will be a valid topic for discussion.
“Complementarianism is unsatisfying to egalitarians.” The reason I think it is. We, all of us, sin-nature, is to put man first. Sin nature is man focused. God is God-focused. To use the Westminster Catechism: “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” We like to focus on ourselves, our desires, our wants, making our name great (Genesis 11:4). God’s authority and plan for our lives is that we make MUCH of Him (John 3:30). Most of the arguments I’ve heard from egalitarians is man-focused. “I’m gifted in preaching and can’t use it. I can work just as well as my husband at _________. Being a mom is not really a satisfying job.” The underlying theme in all of these is “I”. The gospel is not about “I”. The gospel is about Christ.
‘Pastors should take these concerns seriously and labor to answer them appropriately.” For complementarian pastors and ministry leaders, it is not enough to just say “Egalitarianism is wrong. The Bible says so.” You need to know what the Bible says about this and why/how these truths are applicable. Some content that will decidedly be helpful to you as you learn more about this is: CBMW, Grudem and Piper’s Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, and Wayne Grudem’s Evangelical Feminism and Biblical Truth. Theologians and pastors such as Dr. Grudem, Dr. Peter Schemm, John Piper, Randy Stinson, and Chris Cowan have all been highly instrumental in my thinking on this subject and I’m grateful for their ministry and knowledge of this subject and the Word of God.
The Bible must be our “go-to” starting point for this discussion. If we start anywhere else, we’ve started at the wrong point. And I my boss says, ‘If we are only 1% off now, ten years down the road, that 1% has turned into 40%”. We don’t want to be 40% off on this subject. It is too crucial to the understanding of the gospel to a lost and dying world that needs Christ.
So, we take our situations (existential) and we see what the Bible has to say to them. If I have the ability to speak and write, then what guidelines does the Bible give me in how I can use those gifts. Am I a Mom? Then what does the Bible say about how I’m to respond to and respect my husband and how I’m supposed to nurture my children and order my home? What does the Bible say is important in these roles?
“We should conform our worldview and feelings around the Word of God – the norm above all norms.” Pivotal statement by John. If you understand this, then the rest will fall into place.
“We trust that complementarianism makes sense of reality and can be satisfying to believing hearts.” God’s rules and authority are not for our torture. They are for our good and His ultimate glory. Jesus said in the gospels that His yoke was easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30). If we are burdened or put-out by these rules and regulations as woman, then our hearts needs transformed by the gospel. We all stand in need of redemption and sanctification. Pray that the Spirit would sanctify and transform your heart as you see God’s bigger Truth and how it is completely satisfying.
Here is where we fail, where I fail, as pastors, ministry leaders, women’s leaders, wives, friends: we don’t know how to have a pastor’s heart in this area: a shepherd’s heart: like Jesus who was compassionate to us, knowing we are stupid like sheep and tend to wander away. We need to have a more compassionate heart to meet women where they are, take their circumstances, and lovingly walk them to the gospel, show them the right ways of Jesus and the gospel and allow them to see that God has such a more glorious path for them to be on.
This world is full of sin, abuse, neglect, pride, dysfunction – not at all the way the beauty of the original Creation was: walking in the Garden of Eden in perfect harmony with God. We suffer broken marriages, poorly led churches, men who abuse the authority that God has given them. My word of exhortation and edification: pray that God would soften your hearts to those who are in need of the truth of God. These may be non-believers who need to surrender their hearts to God. These may be women who do not yet see the beauty of God’s design for the home and church as He designed it. Live life on life with these women (or men, life or life with other men), pulling them aside the gospel, praying that your life and God’s truth would be transformative in their lives.
God has a Grand Design. It is based in the gospel. It is based on His character and not our situations. He redeems. He has purchased us. He has made His plan known through the Bible. Let’s share life with people, live in authentic community, and bear with our people. May God use His sufficient and perfect word to transform our lives, hearts, churches, and homes.
For His Fame.
