by Kimberly | May 26, 2010 | Uncategorized, Women
Carolyn McCulley has been a blessing to me through her writing, speaking, and the few times I have been blessed to hang out with her. She cares deeply about Christ, the church, missions, and women. She cares about the gospel being lived out well by the women she is in contact with. That is why you can hear and feel her heartbeat in her latest book, Radical Womanhood.
I love hearing Carolyn’s story of God’s grace on her life. Saved much later than most, in her 30s, she saw great evidences of God’s grace in her life as He shaped, and continually shapes, her to be a Radical Woman. This book was written to help others who find themselves in the culture that displays very different standards for men and women when compared to God’s Word.
As a friend and I have read this book together over the past 2 months, we both said that it was very helpful to us. This would not be a book we would give to new Christians though, especially young women because of its depth. More so, I see this book as a crucial tool to give to women in our churches to see how their ideologies and performance-based theories of worth are not founded in Scripture – yet they are founded in the lies of Satan. If you did want to walk through it as a new believer, or even one who doesn’t know Christ, this would be excellent to go through with a friend. My friend and I were able to discuss it over sushi or pizza and salads. Made for interesting dinner conversation and I was thankful for the push!
This book has enough history in it to give one an overview of the three movements within Feminism. McCulley shows you the depth of which these movements have permeated every part of our society: our home, the work place, and the church. When reading through some of the tougher chapters, such as “The Mommy Wars” – one almost reads in defeat because of the overwhelming sin and destructive thoughts that permeate the area of birth control, Planned Parenthood, etc.
At the end of the chapters, Carolyn brings each of the matters a little closer to home with real life snippets of women who have been molded and shaped in these areas by the grace of God and for His glory.
Just some thoughts that I underlined:
“Sin also separates us from one another. We need to be redeemed from the consequences of sin – God’s righteous judgment and wrath – to experience true freedom.” (p 45)
“Every time my married friends spoke to me about their trials and temptations, I had the choice to influence them with the Bible’s perspective or with the latest self-help theories. We do not need the authority of personal experience to counsel one another because the Bible is sufficient for this task. But, we do need to know the Word.” (p 75)
“However, even among a large number of Christians today, the home is not as important as it once was, nor it is viewed as a place of ministry and outreach.” (p 104). Carolyn goes into this concept more in depth, especially for single women, in her book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?.
Thoughts on Margaret Sanger (founder of modern-day birth control movement) – THINK about this – whether you are married or not: “Margaret Sanger was the founder of the modern birth control movement and a vocal proponent of eugenics – the theory of race improvement that was the cornerstone of Nazi Germany. Sanger believed that all evils stemmed from large families, especially large families of those she deemed as unfit. As she wrote in her 1920 book Woman and the New Race, “The most merciful thing that a large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.” (p 128) This will and should make you weep for the gospel and the coming of Christ.
“Without the cross, we are doomed. There is no hope for mercy to triumph over judgment unless it be at the foot of the cross.” (p 131)
Read, learn, engage the culture around you with the Truth of the Cross and the Word.
by Kimberly | May 26, 2010 | Uncategorized, Women
Relevant Magazine is a cutting edge, all about culture with a Christian view online/published magazine. Anywhere from politics to music to movies to personal attitude – all of these are discussed in this magazine.
Each week I get an email with what is new, this week’s definitely made me want to read it. Ed Gungor is an author, pastor, father, husband. He wrote an article for this edition of Relevant entitled “Does Modesty Really Matter”. I will attempt to respond to two things in this article.
Here’s where I agree:
“The apostle Paul wrote that Christ-followers should “dress modestly, with decency and propriety” (1 Timothy 2:9). Inherent in Christian thought is the notion of “modesty” (for both men and women), which implies a kind of reserve about how one dresses, along with a humility that willingly owns the fact that our actions and choices do affect others. Whether we like it or not, we can dress and carry ourselves in ways that illicit inappropriate and lustful reactions in others. But this opens up a proverbial can of worms—when is it, “I lusted and it’s your fault,” and when is it, “I need to be responsible for the fact that I am a lustful person”? The “who-is-culpable?” question is full of subjectivity and complexity.”
I have had many people over the years use the “I can’t help it if men stare at me and lust” excuse. You are right – you can’t help what the other person does. I love it though here where Pastor Gungor uses modesty also in the sense of the attitude/body positioning/eye winking mode. Two other books I’ve read recently, Carolyn McCulley’s Radical Womanhood Mary Kassian’s Girls Gone Wise both speak on this topic and would be worth your read. For women, especially, not only do the clothes matter but the heart matters as well.
Here is where I didn’t agree:
Fashions come and go. Skirt hems go up and down; clothing gets tighter in some seasons and baggy in others; sometimes necklines plummet to depths that leave little to the imagination—somewhere in the milieu of the fashion waterworld, believers need space to think through what they believe modesty, decency and propriety are. But you need to be honest about what constitutes inappropriateness within your particular cultural context. This is an issue that demands careful reflection in the heart and honest discussion with the community one is called to be a part of. (That being said, don’t necessarily let prudish church people tell you where the center on this issue is. In the fear of sin, church folk tend to overprotect and over-sanitize their views on just about everything.)
Bottom line? I think you can get away with being as fashionable as you want, as long as your heart is clear and clean and you don’t have patterns of complaints from those you love and trust. If your heart is clear and clean, you can confidently tell the occasional accuser who makes the “you-make-me-lust” accusation to go look in the mirror for the source of his or her inappropriate desires.
I just won’t go that far. If what is fashionable is a halter top and a mini skirt – whether you have a good attitude about it or not – is not appropriate. If Madonna’s or Lady Gaga’s style is what is fashionable, or even Miley Cyrus or anyone else we watch on TV or see on stage, than I don’t believe we as believers, as women of God, seeking to build up the body of Christ and make God famous – can wear this – no matter what our conscience says.
Hear the Apostle Paul’s exhortation to the young pastor, Timothy: “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”
Not that I don’t want to be fashionable, but if it comes down to being fashionable or “proper for women who profess godliness” – I hope I always turn to the latter.
Thoughts?
by Kimberly | Apr 26, 2010 | Women
I don’t know of any woman (single, married, young, not as young, with kids, no kids) who will tell me that she is not busy. We have iPhones, calendars, outlook, post-it notes, etc to help keep us organized! Unfortunately, every day we live, most of us are just getting busier.
There are many Scriptures that tell us how to redeem our time – in every area of life. But, I want to concentrate on your time at home today.
There are a few books that have helped me see this reality a bit clearer: Girls Gone Wise, Shopping for Time, and The Gentle Ways of a Beautiful Woman. Of course there are more, but these three come to mind.
I want to live most of my life at home. Ok, yes, I work a full time job, in ministry, so that often means that it is well over 40 hours and even when at home I’m doing work for work. However, since i’ve been here, that has not been a reality for me. Some of the personal disciplines that I had in Louisville have not translated well to Raleigh living. Why – busy-ness and lack of strategical planning my day.
My friend Courtney wrote a fantastic blog post on her site about how the Spirit is sanctifying her in this area right now:
“Today has been a lazy day. And boy, do I like it! About a month or two ago a dear friend encouraged me to examine my schedule and cut things out that took me away from my husband and my home. As she wisely observed, I had begun to fill my evenings, and even my Saturdays, with a lot of other things that had very little to do with my husband. I had assumed that since he was studying I could just do whatever I wanted. He didn’t need me around, right? Well, what happened was these other things became overwhelming. Suddenly, I was just away from home too much, but I was exhausted and moody when I was home. Not good.”
To read the rest…go visit Courtney:
Here are a few exhortations from Scripture:
Prov 31.10, 15, 27: “An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. She rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and portions for her maiden. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
These commands and characteristics of the excellent wife (or excellent woman as Carolyn McCulley points out and illustrates in her book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye) will look different depending on what life stage you are currently in. But, each of us must strive, in and through grace, to live these out. God has given us His Word to live out by the strength of His grace for his fame and glory in the world (or in our home, or to our friends, or our husbands).
May you be strengthened in His grace today!
by Kimberly | Mar 28, 2010 | Women
This last session for the Conference is on Deborah:
Judges 4-5
1-3
The stage is set; it describes a cycle that is repeated at least 7 times in Judges:
Disobedience.
Discipline.
Desperation
Deliverance
God’s chosen covenant people were being disobedient. God’s is concerned with the homes of His people. The people of Israel do what is evil in the sight of the Lord. This was a period in the life of Israel of spiritual apostasy, “doing what was right in their own eyes”, they abandoned God and his laws, they pursued after Baal and Canaanite gods.
God sold them – he disciplined them. God in his mercy and love, he gave them up to be oppressed by the enemy. The chastening hand of God. God allows people and instruments to come into our lives to show us where we have disobeyed him.
It took intense discipline over prolonged time (20 years of oppression by the Canaanites) for the Lord to get the attention of His people. This is an amazing demonstration of the longsuffering of God, of his patience and mercy. We will be shown the redeeming hand of God.
v. 4 – Deborah comes in as a judge. Deborah was the answer to the cry of the people. She is utilizing her God-given gifts, living her life for other people, and she was content to fulfill the call of God on her life.
She was a prophetess. She was called and gifted by God to declare His Word to His people.
She was a wife. God inspired this little detail. This was her primary human relationship. She didn’t neglect this relationship.
She was a judge. Judges were people God raised up to rescue his people from their oppressors. God, in his sovereignty, raised this woman up. She just said, ‘”Yes, Lord.”
Deborah first heard from the Lord for herself. Then she gave the message. Deborah didn’t know any better other than just believe what God had said – God would win the battle. There is no doubt here – she is only confident in the Word of God. She had wisdom greater than her own. Today – we need women who know the Word of God. Others will seek us out. They will look for the wisdom that flows through us – the very Words of God.
Deborah agreed to go and arose. She went out of her comfort zone, out of her home; she marched into the face of danger. She went because she was a woman of faith and believed the promises of God. She had no choice but to be involved because God had put a call of God on her life. We get a display of a woman who stands and is strong in the power and Word of God.
God uses foot soldiers and women in this story. God chose the weak to confound the strong. Why? So God would get all the glory. God chooses the needy, helpless, and dependent. We go in the power and grace of the Holy Spirit.
The period of the Judges was not one of strong male leadership. I see Deborah as one who inspires male leadership. Her goal was not to lead but to serve. (5.7) Her heart was a mother. She simply saw herself as a mother – to the troops of Israel. She exuded a nurturing instinct. That is what motivated her, she wasn’t driven by power, position, or prestige – she was driven to be a mother – to sustain and nurture life.
Biblical womanhood looks different in different relationships. Deborah worked to nurture male leadership. She didn’t command Barak to do something – she wasn’t threatening him. She is relaying a message from God. We see Deborah in a responsive, helper role – she went at Barak’s appeal. She is delighted to see men rise up and take leadership. She is delighted to see it happen. When men are inspired to lead, she is happy (5.2). She affirms these men and expresses her gratitude to God. She doesn’t male bash.
Deborah is a woman of faith and courage. The legacy of her life – the men of her day became men. They came forward to fight evil and to defend their wives and children. She wasn’t looking to be the hero of the story. (Heb 11 mentions Barak and not Deborah). We would be totally bent out of shape. Deborah would have been thrilled to see Barak reach that point of faith – a man of great faith. Though she too had faith, in the end, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, it is Barak’s faith that gets listed.
The battle: v 12 – Barak is in a life-threatening position – but Deborah encourages him to move forward in faith. The power of a woman’s word has great influence on a man. Do your words encourage men to be men in whatever realm they are in? Or do they tear him down and make him timid. This isn’t just for your husband, but also for your pastor, your father, your brother, your friends. Our words can either tear up or tear down. Do your words bring fresh new life into the lives of men who are in your circle of influence?
Deborah is not the hero. Barak is not the hero. GOD is the hero. He won the battle. God is the champion of the story of our lives. God is the victorious warrior. We go into battle with that confidence. The battle is the Lord’s. God used human means but he also used supernatural means to win the battle. Jehovah was over this war – and over the false gods. God reminded both the enemy and His people that He is the God over all.
Don’t ever underestimate the power or the grace of God.
by Kimberly | Mar 26, 2010 | Women
How many of you have messed something up because you were too proud or stubborn to follow the directions? Over the past few decades, we women decided we needed to put out a new definition of womanhood. Men and women are the same and should be treated the same. Being like men became our highest goal. Men should be more like women; and women should be more like men.
Genesis of Gender (God’s original design for male and female – the directions – the theological meat of gender). Genesis 1 reveals male and female are more like God than anything else in the universe:
1.26-27 “Let us make man in our image.” God is talking to God – the Father is talking to the Son. God created male and female in His image. There is something about the us of God – the relationship of the Trinity – that speaks to gender. He created male and female, gender displays God. How we relate is an object lesson, a parable, the story isn’t about us. Scripture saiys God created sons and daughters to display HIS GLORY. Male and female are the focal point of everything God made. When you observe the differences in male and female, all these things tell a story. Gender and sex constantly display truth about God.
Paul says in Romans 1 that people are without excuse because gender screams out two truths about God: His power and his diving nature. He wants us to get it. Eph 5 connects the dots, marriage and sex, male and female, all illustrate the Gospel Story. That is why God created male and female. Before the foundation of the earth, God knew the story of the Gospel – He had this in mind when He made male and female in the garden during the week of Creation.
12 differences in male and female evident in creation (Girls Gone Wise, Chapter 9):
1. Male is uniquely male – he is firstborn. 2.7. God created male first. This is not random. The firstborn son held a special position in the family – responsible to carry out his father’s instruction. Adam was the firstborn of the human race. Romans tells us that in Adam, all die. This points us to Christ – Col 1 – he took Adam’s place. He is the firstborn, the last Adam, the representative for all who place their trust in Him (Hebrews). Paul tells Timothy the reason men are called to be leaders of the church is because Adam was created first. Men need to step up and be responsible for the church family; as well as his earthly family (Eph 5).
2. The male was put in the garden. 2.15. God took the man from where he was created and put him in the garden. God created man out in the wild, from the dust of the dessert, and put him in the Garden of Eden. A garden is a place with specified boundaries.
3. The male was commissioned to work. 2.15. Work is translated for tilling soil. It contains the idea of serving someone else. Man’s life in the garden was not for himself, but he was to provide for his family’s need. The primary responsibility for provision for a family lies with the man; this is in their makeup.
4. The male was commissioned to protect. 2.15. “Keep” translates to be in charge of, oversight, to be attentive, protect what is in one’s charge. He created men to be stronger, more suited for a fight.
5. The male receives spiritual instruction. 2.16-17. Before woman arrived on the scene, God put the instruction to the man. Woman had a personal relationship with the Lord, but as leader of his newly formed family unit – he needed to know God’s command.
6. The male learned to exercise authority. 2.19. This “naming of the animals” was a training exercise for authority. He was mentoring him in how to do that – how to govern well. He wanted him to exercise that authority with gentleness, care, and wisdom.
7. The female was created from the male. 2.22.23. We need to remember where we came from. We are not to regard that which we were created from as lesser than us. It was proper for the woman to have a sense of respect for the male from which she was created.
8. The female was created for the male. 2.22. It was not the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. The Hebrew preposition denotes direction – with reference to, or towards him, his existence led to hers. We have fallen so far from the created order. When brides walk down the aisle, we need to be thinking “I was created for this man.”
9. The female was created to help. 2.20. Help with what? She is a helper “fit” for him – a like opposite – a complement to him. His purpose was to glorify God – woman helps man glorify God more than man could do by himself.
10. The female deferred to the male. 2.23. She didn’t try to have dominion over him.
11. The female was the perfect counterpart. 2.25. The sound of the ish and the isha are similar, but ish comes from the root: strength, and isha comes from the root: soft. Strength and soft. She is able to receive. The biblical meaning for strength: a champion valiantly serving his people, manhood, virility. Woman’s corresponding softness is her ability to give life, directed by inner strength. The bodies of male and female show this. A woman’s body is meant to receive; a man’s body is designed to give. She is the beautiful soft woman. Each is a beautiful counterpart. According to Scripture, it is a woman’s softness, our ability to nurture, that is our greatest strength.
12. The woman was created in the garden. Gen 2.15. Female was created in a place of safety. The place that was designed as a place of authority by her husband. She is the constant beneficiary of the protection God has put in her life.
God’s design for biblical manhood and womanhood is spectacular. The sexes complement each other – both exult to the glory of the Gospel. Ultimately, that is what women and men are supposed to do. God designed creation and gender in this way so we could have a display of the Gospel – the story of His Son and His Bride. It also gave us a picture of longing, desire, and relationship. The visible symbols give picture to the unseen – that is why gender is SO important. Is it any wonder Satan tries to destroy this picture? It is where we hurt the most.
Conclusion:
1. God has a spectactular design for your womanhood. He has a pattern for what He wants for you to be as woman. It is very profound and significant.
2. God wants you to say yes to His design. He wants you to recognize the ways you have messed up your life by not wanting to read the directions. It is not a cookie-cutter or a list. True womanhood says yes to God and His right to be God. I am a true woman when I acknowledge that God has the best insight into who I am and how I should live.
3. God will do an amazing work of restoration.
by Kimberly | Mar 26, 2010 | Women
Titus 3 reminds us that we ourselves were once foolish, slaves, hating one another. Do we ever see ourselves in that light? We will never love the gospel enough until we see ourselves as great sinners. And thankfully there is the next verse – he saved us – not because of our works, but according to his own mercy.
First, the context of Titus. Titus 1: Titus’ culture looked much like ours: Titus 1.10ff. God has a solution: the gospel. How does that gospel get into the culture? How does the light penetrate the darkness? God has raised up the church, the redeemed.
Paul is talking to a young man who was called to lead the local church: be above reproach, teach in accordance with sound doctrine. In Titus 2, Paul calls all believers are to do the same thing. Our lives are to be above reproach, different from the world, transformed from the inside out from the power of the gospel, they are to be distinctive. The gospel is supposed to make a difference in our lives. Sadly, this is often not the case. Paul insists that they way to transform a lost culture is to live out the truths of the Word. This is why Paul tells Titus to preach sound doctrine.
Paul gives declaratives to each demographic in life: what constitutes older women? Every woman is an older woman to someone – and we should all be aspiring to this position. We see the life and the legacy of this woman. Our lives are to be above reproach. We need to be reverent in behavior – exhibit behavior for those who are holy. We are not slanders nor slaves to much wine. This above reproach-ness affects every area of our lives. One area is slaves to much wine: (not only specifically to wine, but also to an indulgent lifestyle). God wants to change every bit about me – that includes not living my life for myself.
Their legacy: to train the young women. We cannot train others what we have not learned ourselves. We will not be effective teaching what others have not seen lived out in our lives. We need to teach out of brokenness. We need to take the younger women into our lives: let them see how the Lord of the Gospel is daily changing our lives. We are to pass on the baton of faith for the glory of Jesus.
This teaching takes place in the context of community. Life on life. Teach what is good and so train the younger women. If you have had truth poured into you, then you are to turn around and pour it out into the lives of younger women. (This role is not reserved for the Kay Arthurs, Beth Moores, and Anne Lotzes.) We have the curriculum spelled out for us in Titus 2.3ff. 7 radical, swimming-against-the- culture-lessons. It is God’s way. This is how life is to work.
What is not on this list: prayer, Bible reading, personal devotional life, evangelism. These are important but they are not on the “must” list. Career and doing ministry are not on this list. We need to focus on this list. We see the importance of the home on this list. The norm for most women is to be wives and mothers – this is the primary sphere where most live out the gospel. We also see the priority of love: the love of Christ. We can’t claim to love God if we don’t love our husbands or our children. It doesn’t matter what the other women in the church see in you – it matters what your family sees in you. If we don’t know how to love our husbands and children – we can learn.
Our lives are supposed to be counter-culture. Culture is characterized by pride, gluttony, rebellion, hatred, impurity, etc. That is what this world is like. Can they see a difference in us?
We need to live above reproach.
We need to be intentional about passing on the faith.
We need to be reverent in behavior.
We speak words that build up.
We are not slaves to much wine. We do not live for our flesh.
We are to love our husbands and value the permanence of marriage.
We are to love our children.
We are to be self-controlled. (a sophron state of mind)
We are to be pure.
We are to love our home – be homemakers.
We are to be kind and other-centered.
We are to have a submissive heart attitude.
How well does your life, does my life, reflect the grace of God – a woman who has been transformed and redeemed by the Blood of Christ. Our culture is so absent of the items in the above list. I want to be defined by the things on this list – even while single. I want to love my home. I want to be kind and gracious to people in my speech. I want to have a submissive spirit to the godly, male authority in my life in the relationships with my pastors, my boss, and my father. I want to be pure in every area of my life. I do not want to indulge.
So that the world will have nothing negative to say about me.
So that that the Word of God will not be misaligned.
So that I might adorn the gospel – that the focus would not be on me.
By the power of the Gospel. (Titus 2.11)
Carolyn McCulley has been a blessing to me through her writing, speaking, and the few times I have been blessed to hang out with her. She cares deeply about Christ, the church, missions, and women. She cares about the gospel being lived out well by the women she is in contact with. That is why you can hear and feel her heartbeat in her latest book, Radical Womanhood. 
