I haven’t done a real personal blog in a while, so this is what you readers (hi very few people) get when I have been awake for 90 minutes and its not even 530am yet. My Dad always said that if you sleep till the sun comes up you’ve wasted half the day.
Much has been on my mind this week; it hasn’t really had time to stop. When I awake in the middle of the night, country music starts playing (I’ve been in the car a lot this week). When I go to sleep, my brain is still in full gear and my stomach usually empty or not feeling well – take your pick (would rather take the empty).
Ok – enough random…Reason of post…
I’ve been in Raleigh 2 months. For the 2.7 years before then (and probably even longer, maybe since Thailand) – life seemed in a holding pattern. Yes, I moved to Louisville, got a great job, worked with fabulous people, had amazing friends, lost 60 lbs, started running, etc. But…what was my life pointed toward? I really think for a lot of life, my life was pointed to myself. I tried to get involved in ministry that I was excited about – but none ever seemed to come to fruition. Sure, I had a few times to speak, write, disciple – but my life wasn’t pointed in that direction. I spent much of the last 3 years focused on me: getting out of debt, losing weight, honing skills, etc.
Now that I am in Raleigh – my life looks totally different. I am busy A LOT. My boss constantly tells me it is about balance. Maybe in July it can be about balance (definitely not June). Thursdays are my day off and they are usually full (researching and hanging with friends and doing a longer run – or sleeping past 6am). Monday -Wednesday night is usually full of ministry things. This weekend that is almost over was definitely full with a drive to the mountains for a half, then to Knoxville to talk about writing, then driving back (an 8 hour drive is not a wise idea for someone just having done a half – sore hip!). Today is a full day at church and with friends. (Sleep would have been nice to get either night.) Next weekend – looking forward to being in town, running a 5k, and seeing what might come up, not having a lot on the agenda once I leave the office on Friday.
Anyway…title of this post…
Ambition: the act of soliciting for votes (literal). “Desire to achieve a particular end” Thank you Merriem Webster.
I’ve been thinking much about this term this week. Is my life pointed in any direction? Do I have ambition and if so, what is the object of my ambition. Am I passionate enough about the things in my life so that when people look at my life they would see those things? And if so – what are they?
Am I more than just a foodie? Am I more than just a person who cares about exercise and eating right? Do I care for more than Gator football (praise God we are approaching football season)? Do I love to travel? Do I love people? Do I care for more things than my job? If you were to tape all of my conversations during the week (emails, texts, chats, coffee times)…what would you hear that I am passionate/ambitious for?
God gives us many things in life to be passionate about. He gives us hobbies and things that bring us much joy. My thought is – do I point them all back to Him for his glory? Do I use food to bless people? Do I hang out with people to love on them and be loved? Do I travel and thank God for the beauty and the incredibleness of the world He has given (sunset in Winston last night, Blue Ridge mtns, storm clouds, DC flowers and history, Alaska whales and mountains and islands, Sentosa Island in SE Asia, the Atlantic ocean, airports, my cute little PT cruiser, the Black Sea in southern Russia, Red Square and all of its history and ornate design, Boca Grande’s birds, Salt run in St. Augustine, southern GA red clay, lighthouses, surf, sand between my toes, intricate design on flowers, the quite and amazingness of NE Ga, the Appalachians, the Rockies, Chicago covered in snow, the splendor or seeing a sunset from the sky, the darkness of flying over the pond at night in a plane so high above it, lightning from the safety of a metal plane, the pinkish orange sky that appears in the morning, hurricanes, tornadoes, black thunderclouds…I could go on).
Back in seminary days…I remember having a class with Dr. Reid. We sang a song almost every Friday morning (Michelle on guitar, April on the egg) – Give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for me life…to know and follow hard after you. To know and follow hard after you, to grow as your disciple in your truth, this world is empty pale and poor, compared to knowing you my Lord, lead me on, and I will run after you, lead me on and I will run after you.
April stood up one day and said this. Is it? Is this world empty pale and poor?
Ambition. Run hard. I think of a Helen Keller quote I read today:
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
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I love that question, Kim – If you were to tape all my conversations, what would they show I am passionate/ambitious for?
I think I have a tendency to take what I’m passionate for for granted. “Oh of course I’m passionate about that!” but it might not necessarily be shown in my day-to-day actions. And if I’m only passionate about it when I’m telling someone I’m passionate about it, then am I really passionate about it?
I have to remember that my passion comes from Him, so the more I immerse myself in Him, the more passionate I’ll be! Good reminder.
Great post, Kim. I like reading about your life. I am still lobbying for full-line paragraph breaks for easier reading, but I still read all the same. 🙂
I couldn’t do what you do. I couldn’t keep your schedule. I have been forced into learning, and abiding by, my limits. I can’t work five days a week and maintain sanity; I can only work four. I can’t do activities every night of the week; I can do one (our own Community Group on Tuesday nights). I spend most of my weekends at home, resting and cleaning. Sometimes I make plans; sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I break plans that I had — and don’t attend things I’d really like to attend — because I need to rest. I know the choices I make have consequences. Sometimes — a lot of the time — I feel so lame. Why am I like this? What do I do, exactly, that makes me so tired? I don’t know, but I’m slowly becoming more okay with it. It’s who I am; it’s how I’m made. Life is much more exhausting when I fight it instead of embrace it.
That was a long vignette to say that I can’t believe you hold the schedule you do. To be totally honest, it’s hard for me to believe you’re happy in it, even though you really enjoy all of the little things — the activities, the cooking, the exercise, the job, the relationships — that make up the whole of your life. Isn’t the whole of your life just exhausting? But then I realize: we are made quite differently. If you can do all that you do and be well and happy in it: you go, girl. I can live vicariously through you. 🙂
And you should know this: I see you as a very passionate & ambitious person. I’m thankful to know you!
Longest blog comment ever?
I don’t think it is about balance. Erwin McManus talks about this in the Barbarian Way. Dave Ramsey spoke to this on his radio show. To get things accomplished, we need unbalance and passion. Knowing how fast to go and when to take a break is also needed. Balance is a myth often unrealized and can even serve to heap guilt when not done. And we know guilt is not what Christ desired.
“If you were to tape all of my conversations during the week (emails, texts, chats, coffee times)…what would you hear that I am passionate/ambitious for?”
i am gonna ponder this question in my own life this week. good stuff. thanks!