Just for disclosure sake: I have permission from my husband to share this story. He said he learned a lot from it early in our marriage and he wants to make sure that others learn the same lesson for the good of their marriage!
We had probably been married three months or so and having oatmeal most of those mornings. I had always cooked my whole oats in the microwave. I figured that’s how you did it. I hit the button for 1.45 and let them do their thing. Mister gladly ate them and never said anything about it so I thought they were fine. Well, come to find out, he didn’t eat them that way. One morning he said something to the affect of I don’t like my oats cooked this way. I want them cooked longer and less sweet. I probably burst into tears when he said that. Why cry over oats?
I had been doing them wrong all that time and he was just now telling me? Some of you are probably saying what a sweet husband, not to make a big deal out of the small and eating them because he loves his wife. That’s a great response and that’s exactly what he did. But, that wasn’t good for me. You see…I want to please my husband, especially in the kitchen. I love to cook and I want people to love to eat what I cook. So, after I got done crying, I asked him how he wanted them and have tried since to make them that way. Yes, its a little more work, but it pleases him and he eats them and never comments on them anymore except to say “Thank you, can you make these every day this week?”
Moral of the story: if your spouse does something that irritates you or doesn’t please you, you may want to find a gentle way to tell them how you would like it. Marriage is for the long haul – you might as well be happy in the little things! Philippians 2.3-4 is a great verse for our marriage. We read it on the night we got engaged. So applicable! What I wanted to know is how to please my husband in the little things: how to fold his shirts, his socks, hot to cook his oats, make his bed, etc. I want to do these things to please him. If I don’t know, how can I please him?
Wives, ask your husbands what would please him? Make every effort to do these things. Husbands, please be honest with your wives! And thank her for cooking your food for you!
Cinnamon Raisin Honey Oats
Recipe Type: Breakfast
Author: kd316
Prep time:
Cook time:
Total time:
Serves: 2-4
Simple, lightly sweet morning oats
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups uncooked oats (plus a handful)
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 cups whole milk
1 T raw honey
1 tsp cinnamon sugar mixture
2/3 cup raisins
milk for serving
Instructions
Heats all on a stove top until boiling, stirring constantly, until desired doneness.
I don’t know of any married woman who says “My marriage is perfect, we don’t need to improve in any area.” Its just not said. If it were said, there would be less divorces, no need for marriage counselors, or all the books in every bookstore about how to improve your marriage.
This is a simple, practical post. There are many spiritual things you can do to impact your marriage: pray (find a prayer journal here), read Spiritual Books, submit to your husband, and apply the gospel to every aspect of marriage. This blog post won’t cover any of those but it more practical in nature.
Do this every day and I guarantee you will find more happiness in your marriage. We’ve tried it – and it works.
Find out what blesses your husband and seek every day to do that very thing.
Here are some ways that plays out in our marriage.
Today: I made the bed. (My bed was seldom made before I got married). Sometimes, my husband makes it, but today I did. I made decaf slightly sweetened tea. He loves to have tea to drink at night with our dinner but can’t do the caffeine that late at night. So, I made tea. It took all of 10 minutes of hands-off time in the kitchen. Not difficult.
This week I’ve taken to decluttering one area of our home each week day. Clutter isn’t a good thing for my husband. He likes a neat home when he walks in the door. So, this week I’ve decluttered two areas in our master bedroom and put away and sorted all the boys’ clothes upstairs, and cleared off the fridge with all the Christmas cards we’ve received (we will be praying through those at meal times in our home).
Sometimes: its make his favorite meal. My husband’s favorite meal is spaghetti casserole. It is not the most healthy dish to be made. But, that is why it blesses him. He really loves it but it is not my normal go-t0. So, when I do make it he knows I’m making it primarily for him.
Here is the bottom line. None of these things that I’ve mentioned may mean squat to your husband. But, they mean a lot to my husband. Key to this working is: study your husband. Ask him what will bless him. Ask him about tasks he would like you to complete during the day or sometime that week. Make those items a priority on your to-do list that day.
And please, come back and let me know how it makes a difference in your marriage! Blessings!
Read Philippians 2:3-4 for more info on this topic!
Photo credit: my ring and Erica Cooper Photography
We’ve both been sick in our home – and have two kids ages 15m and under. So, its been a little crazy. And we’re iced in – literally our driveway is a sheet of ice.
I don’t drink coffee. My husband does. Usually he settles for Keurig. Today, he got Airship French Press.
Serving will never be a bad thing…if done with a right spirit.
One of the pieces of advice I give new brides (or brides-to-be) is more than anything in marriage (from a human standpoint) – study your husband. With all the marriage, sex, and relationship books out there, knowing what pleases your husband (and isn’t a sin) is a great thing that you can bring to the every day life!
Here are some things I know about my husband after 2 years of marriage:
1. He doesn’t like clutter.
2. He is a sharp dresser.
3. He likes good shoes (think Johnston & Murphy).
4. He is more of an introvert than I am.
5. He loves Jesus and pursues the Word and the God who wrote it.
6. He likes his sleep.
7. He likes it when I put in my contacts instead of wearing my glasses.
Little things – right? Right! But, those 7 things may not apply to your husband. That is why you have to know your husband. I was told so many different things about what men like when I was engaged. I didn’t care and still don’t care what other men like. There is only one man on this earth that I regard his opinion to the utmost: my husband.
Gloria Furman writes this in Glimpses of Grace:
“We ought to take pains to study Christ. We study Christ because we’ve been saved for the purpose of being transformed into his image,
and in our beholding, the work of transformation occurs.” (pg 68)
How do you study Christ? The main way is to look at the Word of God – which all of it actually points to Christ. We are reading The Jesus Storybook Bible to Little Buddy at night. I love how she makes all the stories point to the Great Hero. All of them, even OT ones.
How can you know what you are supposed to be looking like if you don’t know Christ?
In the next few days we will be celebrating our two year anniversary. So much has happened in two years, but that is not what this blog is for. One of the joys of my marriage to the Mister has been meeting and getting to know this couple: Brian and Cara Croft – who wrote the new book The Pastor’s Family.
I remember before getting married, the Crofts came to Durham for vacation and we sat together for a meal at the Mister’s home. I felt like I had known them for years and I’m glad they approved of me (or the Mister may have had second thoughts).
Anyway, this blog is not to talk about the Crofts either. I want to give you an assignment for the weekend:
ENJOY YOUR HUSBAND
Whatever that will look like for you. It will look differently for every person. Encourage him, spend time with him (inside and outside of the bedroom), put his needs before your own or the kids, make his favorite meal, laugh with him, watch one of his favorite shows, enjoy the fall weather outside with him taking a walk or a hike.
“For your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant.” – Songs 1:2-3
Be creative! Just love on the one you have married!
