by Kimberly | May 13, 2013 | marriage
What is the biggest influence on your marriage?
For those Christians who are reading this – I’m going to go ahead and assume answer #1 will be individual time in the Word and prayer and the fighting of sin. That’s a given.
Ok – so what is the second biggest influence in your marriage.
As my husband and I have learned in less than two years of marriage (with a 8mo old son and one on the way) – our answer would be SLEEP. Just this week: first two days of the week, little mister was awake several times during the night because of congestion and Mister always gets up with him at night (which is a huge blessing to me). But, that doesn’t give him much sleep to function with. These last two nights, little dude has slept for 12 hours – only waking up once either night. What a blessing. For me, its been warmer in the house this week and we’ve not wanted to turn our air down (saving money), and can’t open our windows because of the pollen, and due to pregnancy I’m both hot and congested. Fun times – but doesn’t allow for much sleep.
When we woke up this morning after about 8 hours of sleep for both of us (we finally turned the air down and Mister had on three layers of clothes to combat the chill), we woke up rested, laughing and tickling the little mister who was overjoyed to start the day. Mister commented how much sleep does us good!
Sleep deprivation (whatever is less than the magic number of hours of sleep you need to feel rested) can harm marriages on a daily basis more than a lot of other factors. Sleep deprivation puts us on edge and we are less likely to think before we speak, be willing to serve, and we are usually more prone to sin when we are sleep deprived.
So, do your marriage a favor: SLEEP!
If it isn’t sleep for you, what is the biggest hindrance in your marriage on a daily basis?
by Kimberly | Dec 7, 2012 | Uncategorized
I love having the privilege to pray for my husband. It is something we as wives must do EVERY DAY . I need help in having that faithfulness, especially now since having a baby.
I like to read books along with the Bible that teach about his role as a husband or elder. This book, The Shepherd Leader at Home has been wonderful. Witmer has been forthright and winsome in giving husbands their job description in leading their wives and children. What an important and large task at hand!
What’ve I’ve learned most from this book is how I can be a helpmeet to him. That is why I read these books. I want to know what they are commanded to do from God, then how I can help them be a better husband. One way is not sulking when I don’t get my way, but joyfully following his leadership.
This book is conversational and easy to read, has study questions that would be great for a group discussion, and is centered on Scripture and not just man’s opinion.
by Kimberly | Aug 22, 2012 | marriage
A hot cup of morning coffee? 20 minutes alone when he comes home from work in the evenings? His favorite dessert for his birthday? A night out with the boys? A Saturday alone to watch all the college football games and finish it up with all the recaps on SportsCenter?
Do you know what makes your husband happy? Happiest?
E and I have a lot of good conversations on the couch. I love talking with him, very softly most of time (will be harder to do that when we get older if he starts to lose his hearing), just living life with him. In a recent conversation, he said this to me: “Don’t make my happiness and idol. Search for your own joy in your pursuit of God.”
That was a receptive rebuke.
Look here for all the times joy is used in the Psalms alone. What a rebuke by the words of the Spirit. So many times wives (or girlfriends) find their joy or happiness in their significant other. This can’t be the case. If so, that person or relationship has become an idol to us. Yes, we are supposed to do what we can do make our husbands happy, live with him in harmony, pursue peace and Christ together. But, in no way should we feel the blame for when we are doing our part and other situations in life are difficult – for a season. We can’t be mainly responsible for our husband’s happiness. He has to find his ultimate happiness in God and God alone – just like we do.
Why do you think that you can be your husband’s happiness? I’m not saying he should be miserable when he is around you – and I hope the wedded bliss of the honeymoon lasts forever in your marriage (and mine)…but if we aren’t happy in Christ – with or without our husbands – then we have made something else God in our life and are leaving out the most important LIFEsource.
Photo: This was taken on our honeymoon in Philadelphia at a place called Bonte’ Waffles. A breakfast that made both E and me happy!
by Kimberly | Aug 15, 2012 | marriage
Books. Chick Flix. Television. Advertisements. Blogs. Magazines.
We are bombarded with media no matter if we have a cable subscription or not. Checking out buying groceries we are enticed to look at half-dressed women screaming to us that “your husband would rather look at me than look at you or sleep with you.” Or there are magazines that are telling us that are sex lives can not be fulfilling and satisfactory if we don’t do certain acts or if our bodies do not look as toned as the cover model. We may feel insecure if we spent hours watching the swimmers and track runners/cyclists compete in the Olympics. Does the thought cross you mind that you don’t measure up to someone who swims 5 hours a day and has never had children and doesn’t have to cook for 4 people with huge appetites?
Here are some thoughts I’ve had as I’ve been thinking through this issue the last few weeks, talking with friends, dialoguing with E:
1. Media (in and of itself) is not the enemy. I am not advocating that you hide yourself in a hole, never watch movies, never read books, never watch sports. I don’t really know how to apply the verse in the Psalms that says “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.” (Psalm 101.3) I think there is an unspoken/unwritten emphasis on the word SET that allows for a permenance or continuance. So, the psalmist isn’t saying you can’t watch television or ever see a movie or don’t read a book outside of the Bible, etc. But, what you choose to put before your eyes on a daily, habitual basis should not be “worthless”.
2. Prepare your mind and heart. There are nights that I can’t watch certain movies. We don’t have cable, but we choose to watch movies either from our personal collection or rent from Red Box or watch a DVD series (we are making our way through Cosby Show season 3 and NCIS season 1). I know if I am thinking something in my mind or have struggled with a personal sin – I need not watch certain movies. And, you need to prepare your mind for action as to how you are going to respond to what you are see or read. As 1 Peter says: ” Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (1:13-16)
3. Watch out for the weaker brother. If you are watching something that maybe is not a struggle for you, but you might think it is a temptation to lust for your husband, shut it off. It is not worth you watching something if it is going to cause him to sin. Talk about it. Somethings may be a struggle to your husband that you may not know about. Other visions may not bother him. But, also, know your weak areas. If you are struggling with how you look, wanting to lose weight or tone up, maybe watching the Olympians in their bathing suits with perfectly toned and tanned bodies isn’t such a great idea. Comparison is never a good game to play. You never win: it either leads to pride or to self-loathing. Neither are a mindset that God desires for His daughters. As Paul writes to the Philippians, ” Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
I pray that this benefits you in how you watch movies, read books, participate in sports, or even go to the grocery store. I dont’ know of any divorced couple that would say “we would have stayed together if we had just watched more television.”
by Kimberly | Jun 6, 2012 | Uncategorized, Women
This past Sunday a new “Sunday School” class started at my church on biblical manhood and womanhood. One of the elders who is teaching the class introduced everyone to the Danvers Statement. You may be wondering what the Danvers Statement is and what in the world it has to do with your life. You can read it here:
http://www.swbts.edu/index.cfm?pageid=1727
Since biblical gender roles is something I have been passionate about since somtime in college, I thought I would take this time to walk through the Danvers Statement. Not for theological purposes, because Bruce Ware and Wayne Grudem do such a thorough job of defining terms and basing them on biblical passages. But, for women in the pew, who didn’t go to seminary, or those who did go to seminary or teach even – how do we put these 10 principles into practice.
1. Both Adam and Eve were created in God’s image, equal before God as persons and distinct in their manhood and womanhood (Genesis 1:26-27; 2:18)
These verses and this statement (made in 1987) were made long before the political battlew over the definition of marriage. Our base for politics should be the word of God. Since the Word of God is the very breath of God, therefore perfect and never changing (2 Tim 3:16-17, Psalm 19), it should determine our decisions on every matter of life and politics.
The joke heard for decades now is “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” I think that is a crude way of saying the truth. God had a permanent purpose and grand design in how He perfectly created and placed Adam and Eve in the garden. Adam and Eve, and all peoples procreated from them for all the generations to come, bear the image of God (imago dei) and should be treated as worthy of that. Each person bears the image of God, even those who disagree with us or treat us badly. Something inherent in their very being shows us God. He is the masterful Creator.
I like the word distinct in this first affirmation. I can’t play the role my husband has, either sexually or emotionally, in our marriage. I can’t play the role my pastors and elders have in the church I attend. God set measures in place that we are to abide by and obey for our good and His glory. But, we also have distinct roles and priviliges that men don’t – simply because we are women. What a unique pleasure it is to always feel Baby Campbell kicking in me. My husband can feel him if he is kicking or see him when he makes my belly move, but he can’t feel him all the time. That is something unique that God has designed just for women.
2. Distinctions in masculine and feminine roles are ordained by God as part of the created order, and should find an echo in every human heart. (Genesis 2:18, 21-24; 1 Cor 11:7-9; 1 Tim 2:12-14)
Two essential parts of this affirmation: when these distinctions came to be and how that should influence me today.
God is eternal and all of His Words are eternal. They never change. The principles of biblical gender were set in place when God first created Adam and Eve, he didn’t wait until after sin occurred in the Garden to set these principles in place. These distinctions, both in function and person, were foundational from the very beginning. Sin only makes living these distinctions out difficult.
There are many times when I try to urge my husband to make a decision or try to lead in our relationship. There are many times when I feel more qualified to teach a class at church because there is lack of strong male authority and teaching ability. But, as often as these thoughts or actions occur in me, the Spirit checks my Spirit with His and with the Word. There is an eagerness (praise the Lord) in me to confess those thoughts, pray for strength, and repent of any actions I might have done. If we walk in step with the Spirit we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Oh, the flesh is so strong in women, especially Christian women when we are at daily war with the one who wants his way in our life versus the One who paid the price for our souls. Stand firm – resist the devil and he will flee from you!
3. Adam’s headship in marriage was established by God as part of the created order, and was not the result of sin. (Genesis 3:1-13, and Scriptures listed in 2.)
I love this design of marriage. I always knew I wanted this in a marriage, but never found someone who was willing to take his rightful place and lead with humility and servanthood (like Jesus) in a marraige. Being both bold and pursuing, and loving and gently. My God has been very gracious to me in my marriage. My husband lives out biblical headship and Christ-like servanthood and meekness to me every day. He prays for me, leads our marriage, is gentle with me when I need correcting, and meek in his leadership. This design is for all married men. Men, don’t give this authority up – neither lord it over your wives. Jesus lead with meekness and authority. He was gentle. He wasn’t effeminate or a tyrant. He was perfect. Women, if you see your husbands or your Christian brothers not living this way (or for single brothers, not seeing these qualities in them), pray for them. I repeatedly didn’t do this service for them, but instead I complained and belittled them, saying there were no good single men left. That was one of my biggest regrets of my single life. We are called to encourage our brothers and husbands, not belitlttle them. Those actions of belittling is the result of sin, not how God wanted us to live.
4. The Fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women (in the home and in the church) – for further explanation of this affirmation, see the link above) (Genesis 3:1-7, 12, 16)
Oh, how I hate sin. Sin permeates every aspect of our lives. Women want to lead in the homes and in the churches. Men either are patriachal authoritarians or weak spineless shells of real men. Many of our churches are filled with women who want men to step up and lead and few men who will take their place and lead. (I see this a lot in the music ministry of churches – where our choirs and orchestras are filled with mostly women, but our praise teams and bands are “cooler” now and include more men – haven’t figured out that one yet). Women: if you struggle with wanting to lead: pray for the desire to humbly follow your husband’s leadership and pray for him that he will lead humbly and sacrificially. Men, pray for strength to stand in the position of authority in humility and servanthood that God created you to be in.
5. Both the Old and New Testaments manifests the equally high value and dignity which God attached to the roles of both men and women (Gen 1:26-27, 2:18, Gal 3:28) and affirm the principles of male headship in the family and the covenant community (Genesis 2:18, Eph 5:21-33, 1 Tim 2:11-15).
Some believers only want to take some of God’s Word or take verses out of context. God saw to it that the the Word was kept for us to read – all of it ordained by Him and kept by Him. It is perfect. All of it. Men and women are equal in that we both stand level at the cross – we are both sinners and in equal need of a Savior. Men aren’t more worthy of salvation nor do their possess more of God or display God better solely because they are male.
This is the sticky part for some people: God’s entire Word sets up the standards for both the home and church. In God’s Word: it says that men are to be in leadership positions of teaching and authority in our churches not women. I believe this also goes for worship leading because worship leading is an authority of the Word of God and you are leading and teaching others as you direct the worship of the entire congregation. Song leading or directing a choir is something different, and then I would lean toward a championing of male leadership by way of example, not by Scriptural authority. This also has nothing to do with skill level. I’m sure there are women out there who can teach better than some of the pastors who stand in their pulpits and can sing better/play better than their worship pastors. Often when sitting in a co-ed SS class I get frustrated because of the depth, or lack thereof, of the teaching. But my role is not to teach…my role is to submit and learn and pray for growth.
This will be continued tomorrow, affirmations 6-10. How do you apply these truths to your life, both in the home and church? What are some ways you see Christians failing to live out these commandments and patterns that God has set up for His children to follow?
Be encouraged. We need the Gospel daily to live these out. Rest in Him. Pursue Him.
